The Mormon Therapist
I am a female and divorced after many years of marriage. I don’t date as I have children at home I am focusing on raising. I feel like I am a good LDS member but I have masturbated every few months or so. I feel guilty and ashamed about it. Am I bad? It just feels good and once in a while I want it. Does this make me unworthy of being in a relationship someday? Am I not worthy of a temple recommend?
Some previous posts that I would like you to read (if you already haven’t) are:
My main concern is not so much your infrequent use of masturbation, but rather the resulting effects it is having on your self esteem. I would hope that you could be forgiving enough of yourself that occasional masturbation would not leave you defining yourself as “bad” or “unworthy.” My personal opinion is that this should really be the least of your worries. It sounds like you have been through some difficult times and are in the exhausting and vital position of mothering children at least somewhat on your own. And this is where most of your focus and energy should be at this time – on your kids. Therefore, I would much rather you resort to occasional masturbation, than quickly remarry or reenter the dating scene faster than you are prepared to do so in order to, in part, meet these very personal needs. You will be more successful in finding a new companion if you take it slowly, in the right time frame, having better assessed what went wrong in your marriage so that negative patterns are less likely to repeat. We don’t often as LDS members discuss the difficulty of previously sexually active adults becoming sexually inactive after enjoying marital sex when events such as divorce, separation, death, disability, etc. occur. It is a very different discussion than that taking place with adolescents and single adults who have never been sexually active.
Obviously, the only person who can discuss your worthiness regarding your temple recommend is your bishop and I encourage you to speak with him, especially if you are overly concerned or stressed regarding this issue. Although I cannot speak for him, my experience working with other members in similar situations is that this should not affect your ability to attend the temple. We oftentimes forget that perfection is not needed for temple attendance. Accepting the atoning sacrifice of our savior Jesus Christ, on the other hand, is.
This is an excellent post and is complemented well by your June 24th post.
Thank you! I so appreciate your positive comments.
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