FYI: Sexual Tips

Taken from The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine, MD

“Female sexual turn-on begins, ironically, with a brain turn-off. The impulses can rush to the pleasure centers and trigger an orgasm only if the amygdala – the fear and anxiety center of the brain – has been deactivated. Before the amygdala has been turned off, any last-minute worry – about work, about the kids, about schedules, about getting dinner on the table – can interrupt the march toward orgasm.

“The fact that a woman requires this extra neurological step may account for why it takes her on average three to ten times longer than the typical man to reach orgasm. So girls, tell your man to slow down…

“It’s a delicate system, but the connection to the brain is about as direct as it gets. Nerves in the tip of the clitoris communicate straight to the sexual pleasure center of the female brain. When those nerves are stimulated, they boost electrochemical activity until it hits a threshold, triggers a burst of impulses, and releases bonding, feel-good neurochemicals such as dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins. Ah, climax! If stimulation of the clitoris is cut off too soon, if the clitoral nerves aren’t sensitive enough, or if fear, stress, or guilt interfere with stimulation, the clitoris is stopped dead in its tracks…

“If you’re not relaxed, comfortable, warm, and cozy, it’s not likely to happen. In a brain-scan study of female orgasm, researchers discovered that the women needed to be comfortable and have their feet kept warm before they felt like engaging in sex. For many women, being relaxed – thanks to a hot bath, a foot rub, or a vacation – improves their ability to have an orgasm…

“A woman needs to be put in the mood. Before sex, there has to be a soothing and smoothing of the relationship, and she has to be able to stop being annoyed with him. Anger at one’s partner is one of the most common reasons for sexual problems. Many sex therapists say that, for women, foreplay is everything that happens in the twenty-four hours preceding penile insertion. For men, it’s everything that happens three minutes before. Since many parts of a woman’s brain are active at once, she must get into the mood by first relaxing and reconnecting positively with her partner. This is why she needs a good twenty-four hours to get in the mood, and why going on vacation is such an intense aphrodisiac. It allows her to unplug from daily life stress. So men, yes, bring out the flowers, chocolates, and sweet words – they work. A woman can’t be angry at her man and want to have sex with him at the same time…”

Recap of tips to help women:

– Make sure your bedroom is one with a soothing, cozy and welcoming ambience. I do not recommend for there to be a TV in the bedroom. The bedroom needs to be sanctuary. It should be clean and clear of clutter. It should not be a place where stressful activities are done (i.e. paying bills, where laundry piles up, etc.).

– Take the time to relax and self -soothe before sex (i.e. take a warm shower or bath, give or receive a massage, write all the “to-dos” that are taking space in your brain down on a list so you don’t have to keep thinking about them, light an aromatic candle, put lotion on your body, etc.).

– Make sure you are warm. Wear socks if needed.

– If thoughts keep creeping into your mind regarding the worries of the day, firmly tell them “not now, there will be time for that later.”

– If you really have trouble “shutting down your brain” from anxieties and stress, you may consider discussing some type of relaxant with your physician.