The Mormon Therapist
The following exercise is meant as a “date night” for married couples where both are willing to be engaged. It is not useful if one feels coerced or guilted into doing it. It is also not useful if there is any type of abuse occurring within the relationship.
The goal of the exercise is to engage in conversation- it is not meant as an exercise that ends or culminates in sex or orgasm.
Create a safe, calm and romantic space (i.e. candles burning, flowers in a vase, low lights, soft music, a cool drink, fruit to eat, whatever makes the aura feel comfortable and intimate). Decide together what this will entail. Read the following poetic verses of erotica with your spouse out loud. Take turns reading each of the poems. Look into each others eyes as much as possible. Read slowly, taking the time to savor and digest the words being fed.
I write all my poems to Woman-
to the taste of breasts like apricots,
the warm scent of a woman’s navel when she wakens in the winter,
the warmth of a mound that fills your hand like a peach, split with ripeness.
Taken from Voyager by Diana Gabaldon
We garden in darkness,
burying the stalk of his flowering
deep into me.
This is our season:
the night-blooming one.
Kim Ly Bui-Burton
How is it that our two bodies
made only of flesh and bone
ignite with this fire
yet do not burn?
Terra Hunter
I am in the most exquisite distress
astride you now,
sweating
feeling an impetuous volcano
strain at its peak
inside
wanting to explode
my sweetest self
all over you.
Laura H. Kennedy
Here are the bread – the wine – the table – the house:
a man’s needs, and a woman’s, and a life’s.
Peace whirled through and settled in this place:
the common fire burned, to make this light.
Hail to your two hands, which fly and make
their white creations, the singing and the food:
salve! the wholesomeness of your busy feet;
viva! the ballerina who dances with the broom,
Those rugged rivers of water and of threat,
torturous pavillions of the foam,
incendiary hives and reefs: today
they are this respite, your blood in mine,
this path, starry and blue as the night,
this never-ending simple tenderness.
Pablo Neruda
When we love, clouds
of early spring fly over,
neither snow nor rain.
A joy whose name
waits to be spoken
hies in the new moon.
At the edge of the bed,
you tighten your legs
on my waist. How many
centuries have we
done this thing?
What was sleeping
between our thighs hears
the flute sound
that persuaded the tulip
to throw open the bulb’s
bronze door. Our
most sheltered bud,
when it meets another,
falls into a wild desire
to unfold itself and
become a blossom-
all children, reckless,
ride into this world
on the promise
of that burning blossom.
Thomas R Smith
as he lowers his body to nest upon mine. we become
…two birds soaring who share
the clouds, clear winds aloft,
the swaying treetops
as easily as breathing.
Lisa M Carbone
Ask each other the following questions:
Did we keep eye contact with each other as we read?
Did we giggle or act in any other way that eased tension or showed nervousness?
What feelings did these words evoke?
What images came to mind?
Where in my body am I feeling something right now? Describe.
How do we feel about the many metaphors and symbols depicting nature that poets use to describe human sexuality?
Do these metaphors help us think of the creation of the world in conjunction with the creation of our bodies? How does this tie into our beliefs regarding divinity?
Is there any embarrassment, discomfort or shame associated with the reading of these passages? If so, why?
How do we feel as a couple as we discuss these things?
Can I be truthful with you? Am I afraid of what you will think of me? Can I trust you with these feelings and thoughts? Will you ever use these things I share against me?
Can you be truthful with me? Are you afraid of what I will think of you? Can you trust me with these feelings and thoughts? Will I ever use these things you share against you?
Take 5 to 10 minutes to write a short poem to your spouse describing something sensual about their body or the act of your love making in terms that have to do with nature. Do not worry about your level of expertise as a poet. Just let whatever falls onto the page fall. Share these words with each other.
Finish the exercise with 10 minutes of kissing. Only kissing. Only the shoulders, neck, face and hands should be part of this exercise. Open your eyes to look at each other often as you kiss.
If you’re doing this exercise before bed – cuddle up together, listen to each other breathe and go to sleep. Relax against one another. Notice the small movements of your bodies.
Again, this exercise is not meant to culminate with sex or orgasm. It is meant to help you reach a different level of sensual arousal that goes beyond your physique. It is meant to address emotional and spiritual arousal. It is meant to heighten arousal and help you discern what it feels like to be in a state of arousal for a time without physical release. Hopefully it is a type of arousal you can enjoy lounging in.
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