A Message From Las Vegas

With the tragedy of the recent shooting in Las Vegas, our country is left reeling as to how to make sense of something so nonsensical. Often we turn to social media to share our thoughts, opinions and feelings about these matters… with some unfortunate results that can leave those who are most closely involved in pain. I have asked Benjamin Billings, a resident of Las Vegas, if I could share a post he recently wrote on his Facebook wall. I am guilty of some of the things he cautions against. I hope we can all learn from his words. Thank you Brother Billings.

Today’s guest post is written by Benjamin Billings. Opinions shared on guest posts may not completely reflect the positions of the blog’s author. 

Benjamin Billings is a member of the Castle Ridge Ward near Las Vegas and currently serves as the secretary for the High Priest group. He works as a coach guiding people through career transitions. He is married and has lived in the Las Vegas area for 5 years. He loves comic books, cooking & baking, games and helping people.

As a resident of the Las Vegas area I wanted to give friends and family outside the area one person’s idea of what does or does not help us as we move through this difficult time.

1. Please save your Monday morning quarterbacking political posts. This goes for both sides. Right now our hearts are broken and we are still finding out who was hurt and the extent of their injuries. This is a big town, but it is also a very small place. We are worried about friends and family, and feel guilty at the same time that we are hoping it happens to someone else’s circle so we are not impacted. If you have not been through something like this in your town be thankful. But also appreciate that you probably don’t know what we are feeling.

None of us ever want this to happen again but the calls for gun control sound a little like “Well if you had only done it my way from the start…” A little like we deserved this. And if you are telling me how it is not actually the guns fault you are as tone deaf as can be. I recognize that you are probably posting from a good place but your political memes and insights seem pretty harsh to us living through this.

If you really feel moved politically, call your representatives. Send them letters. Donate and be involved. But if you want to help us you should leave it off Facebook. Nothing is legislated on Facebook anyway and rare is the mind that is changed by a witty barb from the other side.

And you are hurting our hearts.

2. We don’t want to see pictures of the shooter. We don’t want to know more about him. He hurt us a lot. We are trying to move on but having to see the face of the man who did this evil is not helping. It is traumatizing in some cases to have to look at him. Please don’t give him any notoriety. Let his name and memory be forgotten.

3. If you are using this event to push some other agenda, think twice. Is there a way to say whatever you have to say without referencing our pain? Either leave us out of it or skip the post. I know…  your wall, you can say what you like. But if you want to help please give us some space.

4. The conspiracy theory stuff is really upsetting. If you have information that the authorities need to know about, give it to them. You are not a forensic psychologist or a member of the CSI or X-Files team. Events like this bring out the photo shoppers and just because you saw the video, or the picture, or read the article does not mean it is true. Again, help the investigators, but if it is not important enough to share with them it is not important enough to share on Facebook. What are you hoping your share will do? It makes it seem like you are enjoying the spectacle of our tragedy. Again, you probably mean well but please don’t do this. It does not help and it seems cruel and useless.

On the other hand, if you want to help here are some things you could do.

1. Check in on us. Some of us will need to be checked in on more than once. We are reeling and your presence could help steady us. I really appreciate a friend who took time out of his evening on Monday to make sure I was okay and to keep talking until I could talk about it a bit. I am getting teary thinking about it. I appreciate waking up to a sister’s concerned text on Monday morning. Super sweet and helped to brace me for the days ahead.

2. We need blood. The blood banks locally have appointments for days, but often after an event like this, donors dry up and in a few weeks they may be in even greater need. Blood ships and blood stores. Your local blood donation will help someone.

3. If you can’t give blood or want to do more, the relief agencies here could use your money. Red Cross and United Blood are going though lots of cookies and drinks for the donors. There are tons of religious and civic groups that are providing supplies and support for victims in lots of ways. It will not take much searching to find one you like. Send them some money so they can keep helping.

4. Fill your Facebook with great stuff! We would love to see your dinner, your kids, your pets, or whatever else is going on. We are surrounded with the tragedy here. It is what everyone is talking about. It is the news headlines everywhere. It is hard to avoid and we need a break. Trust me, we need a break. You can make life better for us by just posting happy things from your life. It will help remind us that life goes on.

5. Let us guide you. The people that are directly impacted might have different needs. It might not be what you expect. Hear them and help them like they need instead of how you think they need to be helped. Remember, often just being there for someone even long distance is the most valuable gift you can give.

All of the above is all directed at my out-of-town friends. If you live here, move through this however you need to. Post whatever gets the poison out. I am here and I see you. I know this hurts and I will sit with you and we can talk about it or not talk about it. If you need somebody I can be that somebody. We will get through this. I care and I don’t want you to suffer alone.

Natasha Helfer Parker, LCMFT, CST can be reached at natashaparker.org and runs an online practice, Symmetry Solutions, which focuses on helping families and individuals with faith concerns, sexuality and mental health. She hosts the Mormon Mental Health and Mormon Sex Info Podcasts, writes a regular column for Sunstone Magazine and is the current president of the Mormon Mental Health Association. She has over 20 years of experience working with primarily an LDS/Mormon clientele.