The Mormon Therapist
Realizing as parents that both natural (those set by the outside world) and artificial (those set by parents in their homes) consequences are our best parenting tools can be a liberating process as we give up other less desirable and less effective means of discipline (i.e. nagging, screaming, guilt trips, false threats, manipulation, pleading, etc.).
Taken from Scream Free Parenting by Hal Edward Runkel, LMFT:
“As parents, we have within our reach the greatest and most effective disciplinary strategy in the history of the world. Here it is: Our choices have consequences.” p 152-153
“Consequences are not just the domain of parents. As our kids get older, consequences belong more and more in the hands of other authorities.” p 157
“The more our children are exposed to the small consequences of their small infractions, the less they will have to commit large infractions and experience large consequences.” p 158
We don’t protect our children when we keep them from experiencing consequences: in fact we hinder their education of how life really works. What is difficult is managing our own anxieties as parents as we allow the consequences (and the following temper tantrums take place). Usually kids resort to the same tactics listed above to get us to not enforce consequences (i.e. nagging, screaming, guilt trips, false threats, manipulation, pleading, etc.) until we give in.
“If you want to change, you can let the consequences do the screaming. You can learn to get out of the way and let the consequences do their job. How do you that: Well, learn how to calm yourself down.” p 159
“Choosing to welcome consequences in your home enables you to take a different position altogether. when you choose to welcome consequences, you choose to become a life guide for your children, walking alongside them as they struggle and suffer. You position yourself as a leader who operates in reality. You recognize that the law of sowing and reaping is bigger than you, bigger than your child’s emotional explosions, and bigger than your anxiety.” p. 164
“Consequences are a constant source of truth, experience, and education. They often hurt and lead us to feel pain, embarrassment, and regret. But they are here to help us, and they are available to help you raise your children.” p 164
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In