Conversations with Son H – Where He Lays Down Truths

Ali Family Autism Truths #12 – April 12, 2016

Scene: At our kitchen table where eight-year-old H is doing his homework, and I am doing office work on my laptop:

H: Hey Mamma?

Me: Hey what?

H: When did you know D bhai was autistic?

Me: When he was very little. The doctor officially told us when he was three years old, but I knew a long time before that.

H: Did you know when …

Me: When what?

H: Nevermind.

Me: Tell me!

H: Did you know D bhai was autistic when he was in your tummy? Did you know I wasn’t autistic when I was in your tummy?

Me: No, I didn’t know either thing. Somethings a mom does know or finds out about her baby before it’s born, but you can’t tell if a baby is autistic when it’s inside you.

**********

Scene: At our kitchen table, where the kids and I are eating dinner. Baba is at a late meeting and not home yet. D is fidgety tonight, and takes several bites, then leaves the table and refuses to come, so I get up and give him bites of his food until he finishes. At the same time I urge H and A to finish their dinners.

H: Mamma! That’s not fair.

Me: What’s not fair?

H: Why are you feeding D bhai? That’s why he’s finishing his dinner so fast, because you are helping him. You don’t feed me!

Me: Yeah, I know that sometimes I have to help D bhai finish his dinner. And I know that I help and support D bhai to do a lot of his stuff that I expect both of you to do by yourselves. But you know why, don’t you?

H: (*Silently looks down at his plate.)

Me: You know why, don’t you?

H: Yeah. D bhai has autism, and sometimes he needs help.

Me: Yes.

H: And sometimes he doesn’t understand things or listen to you the way we do.

Me: Yes.

H: But Mamma, that’s still not fair.

Me: I know.

**********

Scene: Kitchen table, H and A eating their dinner, and D sitting on the sofa and lounging, as he has already finished his meal independently and quickly.

H: D bhai’s pretty special

Me: Why?

H: Because he’s autistic!

Me: Would he be cool if he wasn’t autistic?

H: Of course.

Me: So what makes him cool?

H: He’s my big brother.

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