I started this post back in May. Seriously. Right before Ramadan started, I sat down to tell you about what was going on. Then I got wrapped up in tending my people.
Waking up, feeding everyone, holding all the feelings together, spending time with my people, reaching out to new people, learning, loving and growing.
But not talking much.
I’ve had a difficult time talking this year. These days I can’t find that quiet space I need to hear my thoughts.
Even when I was away at my retreat.
I had a difficult time finding peace, and in those small, tiny moments when silence was to be found, I still couldn’t hear my voice.
Twice this year I’ve been challenged in a way that compromised my integrity. Its a sickening feeling when people you trust ask you to do something that betrays who you are. In those moments, I struggled with the decision of going against the grain. Of saying no.
Who was I to say no?
How dare I say no?
It would have been so much easier to say yes.
But that would not have been the truth.
Over the summer I’ve gotten many messages on Instagram and Facebook, even through email. Questions about being in a relationship with a Muslim man. Is it possible? Is it easy? What is the biggest struggle?
God, I think sometimes it would have been so much easier if we were the same, Khaled and I.And this is what I tell those women who write me, desperately looking for someone to tell them it will be okay. I can’t tell them it will be okay. I tell them the red flags. The signs that it will work, and the signs to tell them it won’t.
I never say it will be easy. Because its not.
If this is your path, you hold on to your truth and you push back against all of those people that tell you its not right or it won’t work or you aren’t worthy.
You hold on to what makes you, YOU, and you blaze the path less traveled and you stand in your truth.
My truth is that God doesn’t talk to me the way he talks to others. I’m not going to pretend otherwise, and it is wrong of anyone to ask that of me, for any reason.
This isn’t the post that I started back in May. This is the post that I’ve been afraid to write because it has had me so furious that I was afraid I’d be unkind.
But if I don’t talk about it, who will? You have to know that you don’t have to compromise your integrity and your sense of self to be in love with a Muslim partner.
I’ve stretched and grown in ways I never thought possible. I’ve made compromises and fought battles about things I never imagined would be an issue.
But I haven’t changed the essence of Who. I. Am.
I am a person of Love.
I am a person of Kindness.
I am a person of Loyalty.
I am a person of Trust.
I am a person of Faith.
I am a person of Truth.
Maybe getting this out in the open will make it easier for me to hear everything else in my heart that needs to be said.