Reach Out Chapter 7: The Perfect Choice

Open and Relational Theology & Social Psychology

The 60-Second Read

Decision Paralysis & The Perfect Choice:

The Weight of Consequence (Decisional Conflict): If a person has total freedom, they also bear total responsibility for every failure. When faced with high-stakes, stressful choices, we often resort to “defensive avoidance”—procrastinating, shifting responsibility, or looking endlessly for a “perfect” solution that doesn’t exist, simply to avoid the pain of making a wrong move.

Maximizing vs. Satisficing: “Maximizers” obsess over finding the absolute best outcome, which leads to exhaustion and paralysis in a crisis. “Satisficers” look for a solution that meets their necessary criteria and move forward. In difficult times, we must learn to abandon the illusion of the perfect choice.

Collective Efficacy: Sometimes, the burden of choice is too heavy for one person’s self-efficacy. We need to reach out. Collective efficacy is the shared belief that a group—like a family—can organize and execute a plan together. Sharing the reality of the problem distributes the weight.

The Insight: Decisions are rarely perfect and all outcomes are rarely known. There are pros and cons to every path. Sometimes, deciding not to decide right now is a valid use of your personal agency.

The Action: Look at the trade-offs. Stop searching for perfection. Make the best decision you can with the information you have, and reach out to the people who are impacted so you can carry the burden together.

References: Decisional Conflict Theory (Irving Janis); Maximizing vs. Satisficing (Barry Schwartz); Collective Efficacy (Albert Bandura)

Reach Out Chapter 7: The Perfect Choice

Elias, phone in hand, stared off into space, unable to say yes or no to the offer on their home. Finally, he said, “Can you give me another hour? We’re still up in the air.”

“An hour?” the voice responded. “Yes, I have a couple of other calls to make, then I’m out of the office. So call me back.”

Elias looked at Mary, who was tightly hugging the doorframe of his office. “Let’s talk. This decision is on me, and I just don’t have the guts for it. Our whole family is going to be impacted, and I don’t even know where we would go if we sell.”

Mary sighed and sat opposite Elias across the desk. “This decision is just too painful. I can’t make it.” She wiped a tear from her eye.

“Well, instead of putting on my big-boy pants and making it myself so you have to live with it, we’re going to come to some understanding together.”

Mary looked doubtful.

“There has to be a perfect solution. But I can’t think of one. Maybe in two weeks I’ll have a lead on a temporary job, or one of my inquiries will go through. That would be perfect. But there are no guarantees that will happen. It could take three months.”

Sarah entered and stood in the corner, listening quietly.

“What is the guarantee if we sell our home?” Mary asked pointedly.

“There is none. We do temporary living, which is costly. It will quickly eat up whatever equity we get back from selling our home.”

“What if we stay here?” Sarah asked.

“We could declare bankruptcy. That will freeze our credit so we keep our house and our cars and have some money to live on.”

“Isn’t an employer or contract person going to see that on our credit record?”

“Yes. For people like me who have to carry a surety bond, bankruptcy can have a major impact. And if a contract requires a security clearance, I might not be able to get the job. That actually impacts most of the work I do.”

Mary was crestfallen. “So we’re hosed either way. There is no perfect solution, so we should just stop hoping for one.”

“If we sell the house and go into temporary living without a permanent address, I may lose my surety bond anyway. I won’t be able to get the better-paying contracts.”

“Oh, Lord, help us!”

“Let’s not move for now,” Sarah said, stepping forward. “Let’s stay here as long as we can.”

Elias thought about that. “Yes, that’s the course we were on before the phone call forced a decision.”

Sarah sat up, energized. “Let’s take back our power,” she asserted. “We don’t have to make a decision right now. So let’s not. There are plenty of advertisements on TV about people who buy your home at the drop of a hat. We can wait.”

Elias smiled, the tension finally leaving his shoulders. “I knew the people I care most about would help. I just had to reach out to you. This is our decision, not some company’s.”

“I think this is a sure sign God loves you,” Sarah said.

“I don’t know,” Elias joked. “We have a leak in the roof, and I’m the one that’s going to have to climb up there and fix it before the drywall starts leaking through and falls on our heads.”

“Oh, boo hoo,” Sarah teased. “It’s a one-story house. I get up there all the time.”

“I wonder what big scary spider is going to eat us next?” Mary mused, her worry breaking through.

The room grew still as everyone was drawn back to the precariousness of their situation.

“You just had to go there, didn’t you,” Elias joked. “Here I thought I made us all safe and happy again.” Elias trademark humor brought them back to appreciating the moment.

Reach Out song by Dorian Scott Cole on his music channel. Also on Iheart radio and Dweezer.

Psychological References for Chapter 7

1. Decisional Conflict Theory (Irving Janis & Leon Mann)

Irving Janis, famous for Decision Making and “Groupthink” and Leon Mann wrote extensively about how people handle high-stakes decisions. When faced with a terrifying choice, people often resort to Defensive Avoidance—procrastinating, shifting the responsibility to someone else, or agonizing endlessly to avoid pulling the trigger. The healthy alternative is Vigilance: calmly weighing the pros and cons and accepting that no choice is without risk.

2. Maximizing vs. Satisficing (Barry Schwartz / Herbert Simon)

In decision theory, a Maximizer is someone who cannot make a choice until they have examined every possible option to find the absolute “perfect” one. In a crisis, this leads to total paralysis. A Satisficer, on the other hand, evaluates options until they find one that meets their baseline needs, and then they execute it. Elias and Mary realize they have to stop looking for the “perfect” solution (Maximizing) and accept the reality of their situation (Satisficing).

3. Collective Efficacy (Albert Bandura)

Bandura is famous for Self-Efficacy (believing I can do it), but he also coined Collective Efficacy: the shared belief that a group (like a family) can organize and execute the actions required to survive a challenge. Elias’s self-efficacy was tapped out, but by reaching out, he activated their collective efficacy.