Reach Out Chapter 9: The Reach Out

Open and Relational Theology & Social Psychology

The 60-Second Read

Post-Traumatic Growth & Meaning-Making: Going through a severe crisis doesn’t just return us to our previous baseline; often, it fundamentally transforms us. Psychologists refer to this as Post-Traumatic Growth, which is the experience of positive change that occurs as a result of the struggle with highly challenging life crises.

The Insight: When our old, comfortable routines are stripped away, it creates a vacuum. We can fill that vacuum with fear, or we can fill it with intention. Meaning isn’t a hidden treasure you simply stumble upon; it is a profound sense of purpose you construct by applying your unique gifts and hard-won resilience to serve the world around you.

The Action: Do not treat God, or the universe, as a vending machine expected to solve every problem. Embrace your own agency as a divine gift. Take charge, engage your creativity, connect with others, and become a proactive “meaning-maker” in your own life.

References: Post-Traumatic Growth (Drs. Richard Tedeschi & Lawrence Calhoun); Meaning-Making Model (Dr. Crystal Park / Viktor Frankl)

The_Family — The Family. Gemini Generated Image

Please enjoy my Reach Out song I wrote for this series as you read:

Reach Out song by Dorian Scott Cole on his music channel. Also on Iheart radio and Dweezer.

Reach Out Chapter 9: The Reach Out

It’s been three months since Elias and his family refused to sell their home. It was August-hot and humid as inside a fish tank. Elias and Mary had been working outside on yard work. Sarah had just gotten home for lunch from her early morning job.

Elias entered, wiping his sweaty face with his t-shirt. Mary grabbed a dish towel and patted her face and hair, which was tied up in a pony tail. Sarah lumbered in, beat from working on her feet near the hot kitchen and serving breakfast and early lunch. She plopped down in a chair.

“I am so done,” Sarah said.

“It’s only Saturday,” Elias quipped.

“I have two more hours, then I have Sunday off… unless they call me in because someone doesn’t show up and they’re slammed.”

“If you think this is bad, just remember the terror that struck our souls four months ago,” Mary said.

Sarah shrugged. “It’s all relative. Please let me complain.”

“We’re all different people now,” Elias began, walking over to the fridge to pull out a pitcher and fill three tall glasses with ice water. “Losing my job shook our safe little world. Then we took control of our lives. We decided not to go down the toilet. We would reach out to others. And I’m so glad we did. I reached out to my friend at Turturing and told him what I was doing, and together we came up with Sentinel Construction Oversight: Forensic Construction Investigation. I use all of my skills so I work at the level I’ve attained now, instead of coasting on stuff I’ve already done. Isn’t that remarkable!”

“It’s creative,” Sarah said, gratefully taking a glass of water.

“And it has new meaning for you and your life,” Mary added.

“Well, I think you’ve grown, too,” he said to Mary, sliding a glass across the counter to her. “I’m not sure I recognize you anymore.”

“The job loss was a gift,” Mary said, picking up a piece of junk mail and using it to fan herself. “At the store, I decorated windows and it was the same thing over and over again. A dead end. I enjoyed it, but it was getting boring. And even at home, I was just doing the same stuff. Your job loss made us think in new directions.”

“You make us a beautiful home,” Elias said. “And your income got us through a really tough time. I admire you.”

“I thought deeply about it. It was kind of a refuge for me… for us. I found safety in it. But is life just about safety? That creative streak in me just overflows sometimes and I have to find new outlets. So I reached out to the library, started a class, and soon people had me coming to their homes. Now I have a side business and I may go full time.”

“Please don’t make me take your class, Mom!” Sarah pleaded.

“Honey, you have to want to take my interior decorating class before I will let you in,” Mary replied.

Sarah shook her head.

Everyone laughed.

“I find a deep sense of personal meaning in helping others discover their colors and room layouts,” Mary continued. “I get to know them in a different way. Some people want relaxing colors like a deep green. Some want exciting yellows and passionate red. I’m surprised at the things people put in their red rooms—it tells what they have passion about. And we get into these deep discussions and I love it. Somehow I’m helping people express themselves through their designs.”

Sarah nodded and took a long sip of her water. “It’s interesting that you’re not the interior designer that goes into a home and does the colors and layout so it’s all about you. You make it all about them. It shows me an entirely different aspect of my mother. And I… I like that. I like you. I mean, more than ever. You’re kind of an example to me of how we should be.”

Mary smiled softly and kissed her daughter on the head. “This is how God created us to be. Creative. Helping others. I’m glad you find that to be a good example.”

Sarah touched her mother on the shoulder. “It’s not just that. This entire experience has given me a different perspective on life.”

“Resilience?” Elias asked.

“No. Well, yes. I’m glad I have this time off. It’s helping focus me on finding what I want. But what it’s really about is what we find meaningful in our lives. Dad, you searched for something meaningful, but you also created meaning for yourself with an entirely different job. And Mom, you used your gifts to help you make something more meaningful for yourself to do.”

“And what does that say to you, honey?” Mary asked.

Sarah thought about that for a while, swirling the ice in her glass. “You are both religious, but you don’t look at God as some kind of… bank to take care of all of your problems. You… charge ahead with determination and don’t let things pull you down. And… this is hard to put into words… but I see in you both that… you’re happier more than ever… and you don’t expect God to do everything for you… you take charge… and you find things… no, you make things that are meaningful to you… you take the gifts that I guess God gave you and you… make meaning… and give God thanks for it. You’re just so grateful. And I think it would be difficult for people who watch you to understand. You’re like some kind of happy meaning-making machines.”

Elias laughed. “Yes, that’s it. We’re robots, happy and impervious to harm.”

Mary shook her head. “We were down. This experience was very difficult for us. We felt bad and nearly hopeless a lot. We were afraid. The stakes were really high and we could have lost. But I think you’re kind of right.”

“It reminds me of something that came to our attention early,” Elias said. “People who go through these experiences, often losing a lot, learn a lot about themselves and what is really important in their lives.” He looked at each of them. “That’s you.”

The End

Author’s Note:

This story could have ended in many ways, but rather than drag people down an emotional hole I chose to keep it upbeat, knowing that whichever way it worked out the lessons were the same.

For those who do lose their homes and more, 3.5 million people a year, I’ve loaded our furniture on a truck three times for my wife and three children and had no idea where we were going. We reached out to relatives and got temporary living and assistance getting started again, for which we’re grateful. I made career changes that were major and they also worked out. We’ve made many sacrifices for others and been restored each time.

When times seem bleak, don’t despair and lose faith and hope. Sometimes life’s lessons are difficult. Old things get stripped away. We learn resilience. We learn gratitude. We learn new things about ourselves and move forward in new ways.

In other countries I’ve seen people living in caves. Nearly all of the 3.5 million people in the US who go homeless each year get rehired and reestablished. Of people I’ve had to terminate in the workplace, they usually go on to things for which they are better suited.

The world doesn’t end with a job end or other tragedy. Our life plan works out better when we’re involved with God in it with gratitude, openness to change, and creativity.