What Style of Fighter are You?

Yesterday in my message “How to Fight Your Spouse,” we looked at ten unhealthy ways couples like to fight. Read the list and see if any of them describe you!

1. Stonewall Jackson – this is the spouse that emotionally shuts down in a fight. The more your spouse yells, the more you become like a an emotional wasteland of human recognition. It’s like you’re in an emotional coma. Your spouse says, “Why won’t you talk to me? Let’s talk this through,” as you’re grabbing your keys and heading to the car.

2. The Corpse – if you’re a corpse, you just sit there and take it. It’s like the Stonewall Jackson, but this one admits guilt to everything that’s not their fault. They’re a corpse because their soul died a long time ago. Your spouse yells, “How could you let me take the interstate to work today? There was a huge accident and I was stuck for an hour!” You respond, “Yes Dear, I should have known about the bad traffic. I’m sorry.”

3. The Boombox – This is the yeller. They feel the only way to argue is to yell at the top of their lungs. Typically their increase in volume tries to make up for the weakness of their argument. When in doubt, yell louder. It makes you sound like you know what you’re talking about.

4. Oscar Winner – These spouses are a blast to watch. True artists. They employ the waterworks at the drop of a hat. They can cry in an instant. They tend to use it as manipulation to deflect criticism. Husband comes home and says innocently, “Honey, what’s for dinner tonight?” Wife, who got distracted and didn’t do anything that afternoon, deflects [Weep] “How could you ask me that? Don’t you know how much that hurts?”

5. The Resurrector – If you’re a Resurrector, you have the magical ability to bring up any and all old arguments and issues that your spouse thought was settled a long time ago. You’re like an elephant, your memory is so good. Your spouse says, “Babe, we don’t have the money to spend on that right now.” You adeptly reply, “Oh yeah, well you sure had money to spend on that new stereo system when we were dating 10 years ago!” Boom. They just got resurrected on.

6. The Extreme Jumper – This form of arguing is subtle, but just as sinister as the rest. The Extreme Jumper makes universal ‘all’ arguments off of single incidents. If a husband gets home late one evening from work, the wife will complain “You always come home late. You never have time for the family.” If the wife reminds her husband he needs to pick the kids up from school, he counters “Quit riding me. You’re always nagging me. Why do you think I’m a complete idiot?”

7. The Dormant Volcano – This is the spouse that takes it for years, then explodes in one huge blaze of glory. Also known as the Postal Worker. You get the picture.

8. The Gymnast – This spouse has the ability to turn any argument back on the spouse. Your spouse might say to you, “Honey, we need to talk about how much money you spent last week. You overspent. We talked about this.” You counter with, “Well, the reason I overspent is because you said you were going to help out and you broke your promise,” or “What about that time last month when you overspent on this or that?” Genius. The best defense is a good offense.

9. The Nutty Professor – This spouse comes up with crazy allusions and explanations to justify their argument. If your spouse complains, “Why do you always think about yourself first? Why don’t you think more about me and the kids?” You might justify yourself by saying, “Well, because a tree has to remain strong if the branches and seeds want to be strong. I’m just taking care of the tree. The tree needs to come first.” If it makes sense to you, that’s all that matters.

10. The Puppy Killer – That’s the spouse that’s just a jerk. If their words were knives, there would be no more puppies in the world. They’re that mean.

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