The Ethics of Love Spells

The Ethics of Love Spells February 12, 2021

Take a poll in any witch group on love spells and their ethics and the resounding response is usually as follows:

  • It’s only acceptable to do self-love spells
  • You can’t use magic to mess with someone’s free will
  • Bad Karma
  • Never start a marriage off with a kidnapping (usually presented as a game of thrones meme)
  • Some responses will go so far as to call a love spell “spiritual rape.”

I’m here to tell you that these responses are nonsense. There’s a reason “all is fair in love and war” is a popular maxim.


Let’s start with the bad karma caution that comes up so often. If you personally subscribe to the rule of three, that’s great, but not everyone does. I know I don’t, and for good reason. The way westerners understand karma is not really the way that karma works. Fear of some kind of universal retribution is not a good reason to avoid doing love spells. Check out the link I share a few sentences back because I go further into this concept there.

Self-Love Spells

Self-love spells are a great place to start with love spells because we could all do better at loving ourselves, and there’s no reason your spirit team will say no to one. But if you want to do a spell to attract a lover, or to secure a relationship with a specific person, there’s no reason you shouldn’t, other than if your own spirit team advises against it. This is your craft and you need to decide what your ethics are and what works for you.

Free Will/Dominating Will

There’s no magick that doesn’t influence the will of others. None. There’s no magick that doesn’t harm others. None. If you do a working to get a job, someone else loses out on that job (harm) and the person doing the hiring is the one influenced by your magick. But the same is true even if you don’t use magick and get the job by influencing the hiring manager naturally.

You need to know that you can’t force anyone to have feelings for you or into a relationship with you via magick. It literally will not work and you’ll only have wasted a ton of energy on a fruitless endeavor if you try to do that.

How Love Spells Work

Love spells will only work on a specific person if the potential for a relationship with that person already exists and the heart is fertile for feelings to grow. There has to be a tendency toward it already, or the real potential there. You can’t magickally make feelings sprout up where none exist. If someone simply does not have the capacity to love you in the way they want to be loved, or they have no inclination for it, they will likely be unphased by any magick that you do to make it happen.

So if you do a love spell to get a relationship with a celebrity who lives on the other side of the world and whom you’ve never met, that’s probably not going to work out (but if it does please share your success story because that’s amazing). If you do a love spell on the person you’ve got a good mutual flirtation going with, that may prosper into a real relationship depending on a myriad of factors.

It’s important that you know that love spells work both ways. So if your focus is to do a love spell on a specific person, you need to know that you will not go unaffected by this working. Your feelings will likely amplify. Whatever you endeavor for them to feel, you will feel. This is not karma, this is just the nature of workings on emotions/relationships. The danger here is that these workings can lead to issues like obsession for both parties depending on the working that is done, and likely it will affect your feelings more seriously than theirs first.

Attracting a Lover Vs. Making a Specific Person Your Lover

It will be easier to manifest a relationship if you’re very specific about what you want in the relationship and the kind of character you desire in the person you’re attracting into your life. This will bring more potential suitors into your life and will allow things things to happen more naturally. You’ll have a handy little checklist to keep you on course, as it is likely that the you’ll attract some folks who are not actually good for you. You may end up attracting people who fit old patterns you’re no longer interested in repeating, and turning these people down will be confirmation to the universe that you’re serious.

You can do workings to get a specific person into relationship with you, but this may require more energy/workings from you. For example, you could begin with a “think of me” spell, and then do a spell to sweeten things between you and the person, and then another to bring about commitment. Depending on how supported this relationship is and how well you two do together naturally, it could require more magickal maintenance for as long as you engage in it. When you’re bringing two specific people together it’s important to remember that everyone has their traumas and no one is perfect. You can *(likely) make it happen but it may not be easy.

However you do things, no matter what kind of magick, be patient.

Some Final Love Spell Advice

Ask me my advice on spell work and my first response will always be to start with divination. This will streamline your magick and ensure that you’re doing the right spell to get the results you want, and it will ensure that doing this kind of spell is the wisest course of action for you. Nothing leads to personal ruin faster than desire unchecked by prudence.

It’s not a bad idea to start with self-love, depending on where you’re at in your life. Make sure you’re confident and secure in you, loving who you are and the life you’re living, and the rest falls into place a lot easier with fewer pitfalls. Love magick done from a place of desperation is destined to fail or worse.

Simple Manifestation to Attract a Lover

Just to cap this post off, here’s a simple spell to attract a lover. Item’s needed:

  • Pen
  • Paper
  • Strong, Focused Intention

Cleanse yourself and your work space and get into the proper frame of mind with the right playlist. Write a list by hand (do not type it) of all the attributes you’re looking for in a lover, with an emphasis on character. How do you want to feel when you are with them? How do you want to be treated? What are the virtues you look for in a companion? Get specific. As you write this out, know that this person is coming into your life, trust it to the deepest level of your being.

This spell works great. I’ve used it and friends have used it to great results- but here’s a warning: sometimes what you want is not what you need. And sometimes what you think you want is not actually what you want. Be careful with it. If you’re not looking for something serious with it it can be super fun. I will say, lust spells are very easy to work and manifest.

About the Author

Jessica Jascha is an  Herbalist, Intuitive Consultant and writer in Minnesota. She also writes for Witch Way Magazine. She owns Jascha Botanicals and Owl in the Oak Tarot where she gives readings, teaches ritual, and provides holistic consultations. You can find her on Facebook.

featured image via pixabay. 

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