Musings of a Dianic Male

Ok, so the statement “Dianic male” may seem unusual but the experience of living with a Dianic Witch for eight years has profoundly affected my practice as a Witch. Living for many years where there were no other Pagan groups than the local Dianic Coven left me with a treasure trove of experiences that have shaped my beliefs about the craft in general.

Participation with this group has included attending open rituals, living with them in camps at Pagan festivals and developing strong relationships with the coven members over the years. Many of these women have become my loved sisters whose wisdom and friendship I cherish dearly.

What have I learned? First, being the partner of a strong Dianic Witch is not for everyone. Second, all of us have and continue to be influenced by the patriarchal society in which we live. Third that service to the Goddess can take many forms and that power, dominance and the need to direct have no place in my worship of the Goddess.

In service to this group there have been many opportunities to get to know the “new” male partners of coven members. With each meeting a conversation ensued about the nature of a relationship with coven members. These interactions tended to include how strong this group of women are, the need to be willing to support and serve their activities without attempting to influence and how a strong sense of the masculine self is required to remain grounded in these relationships. One by one I have witnessed these individuals struggle with these issues and move on in their lives seeking new partners and experiences.

Setting up camp, tearing down camp, planning the days activities, preparing meals, planning open rituals or just informal gatherings, all these activities are lead by powerful women. Some men just are not prepared to truly participate in a culture where the leaders are women. In this there is no judgment. All of us are affected by the messages of the broader society and I have many times had to examine my own reactions when excluded from the decision making process. Each time it has been my ability to access members of the coven and discuss these feelings that has allowed me to grow and transcend patriarchal attitudes and beliefs.

As an observer I have witnessed how the coven operates and seen what happens when a male voice is raised in the decision making process. Generally there is a shift of energy from a collaborative process to one focused on influence and power. It is not just the male voice that represents this change but the behavior of the coven members also. This experience has given me insight into the sacred nature of Dianic tradition. Each of us, male and female, is a product of our experience. In reclaiming the sacred feminine strong women need the space to express their power in an environment that puts little value on conflict, force and other patriarchal traits and great value on the feminine principles of compassion, understanding, communication and sisterhood.

All this is not to say that I do not value the sacred masculine. As a member of the community I have been involved in many groups where my skills, abilities and masculine energy have been of service to the community. As an individual that identifies with the heavily male influenced “warrior” archetype, it has been my privilege to be of service as a guardian, healer, and administrative leader. Yet, when I wish to contribute it is through the eyes of the Goddess that I attempt to view situations and tasks. This approach allows me to proceed with compassion and be mindful that in service to the Goddess it is my first responsibility to act in a manner that honors the entire community.

Within Dianic tradition there is the concept of “the Kouretes” who are considered the male equivalent of the Dianic Priestess. “One of their roles is to help women create their Sacred Space, then to leave, and guard against other men interfering with the Sacred Womyn’s Mysteries.” This is a role that it has been my honor to fulfill.

All this leaves me to wonder how can I also support men in my community who are partnered with strong Dianic Witches. Here are a few suggestions that have worked for me.

Support the reclaiming of the sacred feminine by supporting your partner and her coven in any way you can. It can be a deeply meaningful experience to witness this manifestation of a principle that our community is based on.

Develop your own practice within the community where you can participate and develop and reclaim your own sacred masculine energy.

Take the opportunity to examine your own beliefs and actions around conflict, power, control and leadership. You have at hand a community that is an example of how powerful compassion, trust, communication and the sacred feminine can be.

While I am highly eclectic in my practice as a Witch, the Dianic influences I have experienced hold great meaning for me. Being associated with women of this tradition has taught me many valuable lesions in my quest to honor the Goddess. I am ever grateful too all my Dianic sisters.