A Selfish Pagan

Over time many have commented on my devotion to service, to humanity, my religious community, my friends. These comments always make me uncomfortable.  Somehow I am always left with the impression that these people view me as someone who makes these sacrifices from 100% altruistic motives: something in my heart I know is not true.

The fact is I am very selfish about service as a spiritual path. For some service is a duty, others a necessary sacrifice and for others an overwhelming desire to participate in the world. For me however, it is the most direct path to experiencing divinity in my daily life. This is something I cherish, even am selfish about maintaining.

I am selfish in my ability to witness what happens after a disaster. The very best in humanity comes out. In Haiti for example, escaped convicts were re captured while they assisted in digging victims out of the rubble after the earthquake. When I witness what happens to a population after disaster, I am comforted, I have the opportunity to view the divine manifested front and center on a mass scale. This feeds my hope for humanity, my personal sense of purpose, to see the the Gods manifested, walking the earth and acting with compassion, care, purpose, absolutely feeds my inner being.

In personal acts of service I also am drawn closer to the divine, for some this happens in ritual, in study, in meditation, for me however, it is the simple act of being of help that most envelopes me in divinity manifest. Am I selfish about obtaining this state of bliss? You bet I am, with no apologies, I am consistently seeking to bring myself closer to the all aspects of the divine.

In taking action on issues I care about I feel more connected to the Goddess, her energies of compassion and insight.  In these actions I can feel the divine, the call of the great mother for all humanity to act with the knowledge that we are all brothers and sisters. Am I selfish about engaging with this energy? Yes, in these moments I become more than just an individual, suddenly I can see the world with the eyes of divinity. There is not a more intoxicating elixir I have ever tasted.

In service I also selfishly serve my own agenda to be connected, momentarily enlightened, at peace with the Gods whom I serve. There is great meaning in all paths to the divine; this is mine, no better or worse than others, but certainly not a totally altruistic one. We all deserve to get something out of our relationship with divinity.