If there’s one thing commercial Christian “worship” music does well, it’s mixing metaphor. There’s one “artist” who does it in nearly every song he writes. I’d tell you his name, but it always makes people mad and gets me lots of hate comments. So let’s just call him Thris Comlin. My all-time favorite: “And like a flood, his mercy reigns…” Um…wait…what? Shockingly, contemporary worshipers are often so quick to gloss over this sort of laziness, as if it contains some... Read more

I’ve always loved the story of Jesus appearing to Thomas. Maybe it’s because of the skeptic in me. Growing up in the megachurch movement, I watched thousands of people around me every Sunday, swallowing a self-help gospel hook, line, and sinker. It wasn’t the Joel Osteen style, “you were born to win” sort of self-help gospel. I think that’s what it was so easy to digest to the usual churchy, Christian crowd. (By the way, despite what the megachurch movement... Read more

This Sunday was my 34th time to hear an Easter sermon.   Photo: wikipedia Read more

13. I tell you what, our jesusy cover band is making Easter great again! 12. How about that, folks? Risen savior, $1.98 piano. 11. You officially suck as a human being. 10. We’ve misplaced our offering plates, so we’ll be passing KFC buckets. 9. Does this alb make my chasuble look fat? 8. Because we want to be seeker-sensitive for all of you who don’t regularly join us, I will now do a dramatic reading of the classic children’s book,... Read more

  10. Please rise for our first hymn, “Christ the Lord Is Risen Today” by Chris Tomlin. 9. Pardon the scratching, but I’ve got this terrible, oozing skin condition. 8. Instead of a traditional Easter message, I’m continuing our topical sermon series, “Prostitutes of the Old Testament.” 7. Due to allergies in the choir we’ve replaced the Easter lilies with Easter Portuguese Water Dogs. 6. This resurrection is brought to you by HelloFresh. 5. Please give a warm welcome to... Read more

As I rocked my infant daughter late last night, I started humming a gospel song I remember from childhood. It’s funny to me that as far as I wander from my Southern Baptist upbringing, these are often the songs my heart recalls in life’s tender moments. As much work as I’ve put in over the years to perfect my generic hymn vernacular, these hymns are my mother tongue, a language I’ll surely never lose. Sadly, most of the Baptist churches... Read more

And this is why you always – ALWAYS – proofread the bulletin. Answers were provided by family, friends, colleagues, Ponder Anew followers, and members of the Facebook group, “I’m fed up with bad church music.” Choir anthem – “With a Voice of Sinning” Strength will rise ass we wait upon the Lord… Following the Christmas Day services, poinsettias will be distributed to shit-ins and others. From the Apostles’ Creed: “…born of the virgin Mary, suffered under Panties Pilate…” Thou shalt... Read more

Full confession: I’m not a preacher. That probably won’t surprise anyone in my audience. See, I’m just a lowly blogger, but I do have an audience, a pretty faithful one, in fact, for which I’m grateful. And as a trained classical musician, a vocalist, I still occasionally perform gigs. Like when I sing Handel’s Messiah with a community orchestra and chorus, or perform for a public event somewhere. In those cases I am a performer. And I have an audience.... Read more

Fifteen years ago today we lost Mister Rogers. Presbyterian minister. Puppeteer. Television friend and neighbor. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eInUUfyqa5o I was then a sophomore at Baylor, not quite 20 years old, and only beginning to understand the sense of loss one finds when the familiar elements of childhood pass away. But unlike when other famous people died, this one felt strangely personal, as if I’d lost a treasured childhood friend. As a child in a cold, unfamiliar, and ominous world, I found Mister... Read more