7 Super Peaceful Pony Takes

[I don’t have a Pony yet, all I have is this Tiny Gnome Holding A Dragon.]

[UPDATE: Apparently Frodo started out with ponies, but he didn’t get to keep them, did he. The ponies went away and he went on alone, as one does.]

Today is not only Friday, which you probably knew, it is also the International Day of Peace.

One
I myself now know this because Facebook’s clunky, moralistic, blocky cartoon people lectured me first thing, even before that first essential life saving sip of oolong.

“Building Peace Together,” they shouted, rolling their strange little paint rollers in lines and circles as the fake camera panned out, revealing a cartoony dove. “Communities can make good things happen all over the word. Join all of us at Facebook today in hoping that kindness will lead the way,” they explained.

Two
You know what I hope for? One of those tiny fat ponies that are basically the size of a large dog. I want one of those for my garden, along with a large dog so that my neighbors, when they peer over my fence in order to judge me, will see the pony and the dog and stand there for a long time, trying to figure out if they are going mad. Then I’ll bring the little pony into my kitchen and festoon it with butterflies and feelings and let it sit on a little cushion in front of the fire. It won’t be an Emotional Support Tiny Pony, it will be a Hoping Really Hard For World Peace Tiny Pony.

Three
If you feel sort of at a loss in the face, cough, of Facebook’s early morning moral injunction to make the world more peaceful by hoping really really hard for kindness, you can go over to Twitter to get some practical tips and stuff. Apparently, the best way to achieve world peace is to first achieve inner peace. You can get that through meditation and just calming the heck down. Which you won’t be able to do, believe me, if you keep scrolling. You’ll definitely have to click away, just because of the sheer unimaginable triteness and uselessness of all the peace instructions.

Four
Did you know, for instance, that ‘When there is a conflict, there is a breakdown of communication. There is no trust. To bridge this gap, you need a channel of communication, a way to connect with all sides of the conflict.’ There’s a whole blog article that goes with this amazing insight. I bet you had literally never thought of that before. Maybe you could borrow my Tiny International Peace Pony to Pull A Tiny Plough that could carve out a Tiny Channel for Communication.

Five
A thousand times more useful than International Peace Day is Bilbo’s Birthday, which is tomorrow. It’s more useful because during the party, Bilbo will take the Ring and give it to Frodo who will take it and travel in a really exciting and fraught way to Mordor where he will throw it away. It is important that he does this because the Ring, in case you didn’t know, represents Sin, and so it is going to be really hard for Frodo to let go of it, because of the power it has over him. He won’t have very many feelings of peace, especially when Gollum bites off his finger, and at other times when he realizes that it would have been a lot faster just to stick with the eagles all the way to Mordor instead of climbing down and walking the rest of the way. There aren’t even any tiny ponies to support him. But there are some really good things to eat as they go along, and some people are kind to them, which is great because of all the other people who are always trying to kill them.

Six
Amazing how dumb Tolkien was, not knowing that to achieve world peace all we needed was more social media lecturing and hopes for good feelings and not a final destruction of sin—that thing that poisons and destroys the human person—itself. Thank goodness we don’t have to spend any valuable time on that strange, hopeful story. We can cut to the chase with the lecturing and the feelings.

Seven
Go check out more takes! I’ll be on google looking for a pony.