Victims of sexual assault of any sort, but victims of incest when they were children in particular, are more often disbelieved than not.
I’ve heard stories from adult children of respected members of my church whose parent “disbelieved” them when they tried to get help from being repeatedly sexually assaulted by a father, brother or uncle. I have friends who experienced the same thing.
I don’t think this “disbelief” is actually disbelief. I think it’s self protection. It’s easier to allow your own child to continue to be abused, or to drive a knife into your adult child when they finally come to you about what happened long ago than it is to face the fact that you either (1) didn’t know, or, (2) knew and did nothing.
In the case of the member of my parish whose child was molested, I think shame was a big factor. Admitting to that this had happened within their family would mean also admitting that the saintly facade they presented to the church world which was in fact their whole world would be scarred. They were facing personal diminishment and, to put it bluntly, they didn’t have the guts to face that.
However it comes about, “I don’t believe you,” is another assault against the victim. It is another denial of their humanity and their value of people. It is cruel and the damage it does lasts a lifetime.
it is, when it comes from a family member, a clear pronouncement that do not, really, love them.
Marylyn Van Derbur, a former Miss America, went public about the sexual abuse she suffered at her father’s hands from the age of 5. She too, heard “I don’t believe you.”
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