The What-Ifs

My life is at a time of exciting possibilities. The Computer Guy and I have had many potentialities (is that a word?)presented to us in the past few weeks. Paths which could take us to new places in our family and our life together.

It is exhilarating to allow my mind to wonder down the path of “what if.” What if I could do the things that have been proposed to me, could I actually do it? What if I failed? Could I live with seeing myself flop? Scarier still, what if I succeeded?

I’m like that kid on the high dive, peeking over the edge, contemplating either grand adventure or my own demise.

I once was a girl who would have shouted “What the heck?” into the wind and thrown myself headlong at this crazy thing. I would never have even seen the chance of failure. It would never have occurred to me that succeeding could be anything but grand.

What happens to us as we get older? Some people call it wiser, but I call it safe. There was a time I would have declared safe to be boring, but I’ve had enough of exciting and interesting to last me until I’m 90. I’ve learned that one girl’s boring is another’s bliss. I’ve grown comfortable with boring.

I’m not sure that comfortable is where I’m supposed to be.