The Case for More Sex

****This seems really obvious given the title, but this post is about sex.  If you’re not old enough, GO AWAY.  There will be something else for you to read another day.  This one’s for the grown ups.****

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine and I were talking about the pressures of married life after 15+ years.  We talked about the demands of children, our husbands’ work schedules, and our ever growing to-do lists.  I told her how it often feels as if my husband and I are two people who are traveling in the same direction and not always together.

“You need more sex,” she said matter-of-factly.

I laughed it off, thinking that she must be joking.  The last thing I want at the end of a day spent with children hanging all over me is to let one more person climb all over me, no matter how much I love him.  I need some breathing room!  (Sorry, honey!  It gets better, I promise.)

The longer I thought about her suggestion, the more wisdom I saw in her advice, so much that it’s the advice I’ve been giving out.  Ladies, our men need more sex!  (Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.  You do have time.  What kind of time commitment are we talking here? 30 minutes 3 times a week?  You’ve spent more time than that watching HGTV for goodness sake.)

Sex used to be a fun romp of play and spontaneity.  At some point after we became parents, we began too often to forget to be lovers.  When I’m honest with myself, I admit that I miss it.  I miss the hands that would graze across my body or the sexy innuendos on the phone.  I miss him chasing me.  I need him to be not just my husband but my hot lover, and guess what?  He needs that, too.

Where I spend my day filled with little people kissing, hugging and loving on me all day long, my husband does not.  He comes home in the evening having given his day up for us, and when he “makes his move”, I often sigh or plead fatigue or headache.  He doesn’t hear the message I think I’m sending (that I’m too tired and worn out), he hears that I’m rejecting him!  If he hears me reject him long enough, eventually he stops trying.  (Please don’t stop trying!)

It took a few weeks of really thinking and praying about it before I truly understood.  My husband needs me to wrap him in my arms.  He needs me to be his love, not just his children’s mother.  He needs to be held close to me and to feel my skin on his own.  He needs to be shown that he is loved.  He needs to feel that I love him.

I know all the arguments against more sex, i.e.  you’re tired, he’s annoying, you’re pregnant/breastfeeding, you actually do have a headache, etc.  I don’t care.  Sex is a gift you give to your spouse.  You wrap yourself around him and show him that you accept him and love him as the person who he is.  You silently (or not so silently….let that freak flag fly girl!) tell him again that he is the other half of you and that you wouldn’t have it any other way.

What are you waiting for?  Put on your sexiest underthings (the clean ones without the fraying edges).  Put the kids to bed early. Then wrap your arms around his neck (arms not hands) and plant a kiss on him like you mean it.  He’ll take it from there.

P.S.  I won’t go into any more detail, but it works.  Chase your man around the bedroom and watch the smile that he walks around wearing all day.  (If you’re home alone and you’re lucky, it will be all he wears all day.)

P.P.S.  Not for nothing, it’s good for you, too.  It improves the complexion, burns a few calories and puts a smile on your face that tells the world you’re well loved without your having to say a word.

You’re welcome.