Greetings,
I received your Facebook friend request recently. First of all, I want you to know that it’s been under serious evaluation. I’ve taken some time but I regret to inform you that you’re not the right person for my friends list. I know this may come as a surprise, but I wish you well on your future endeavors.
After carefully examining your references, there were just some potential reasons why we would not be virtually compatible as friends:
Mystery—When I checked your profile, I didn’t see even one mutual friend. At least on MySpace, we’d have Tom. In this day and age, when everyone I know is online, for us to not have anyone or anything in common is mind-boggling. And to be fair, when I’ve accepted requests like yours in the past, I’ve had to quickly stave off an avalanche of spam.
Dress (or Lack Of)—You have no recognizable face in your profile, only a body shot. And you like to have fun and throw caution to the wind. Your spirit may be careless and free but your website is pay-to-view. No thanks.
Critical—Maybe I do know you and my experience has not been positive. With the amount and quality of friends I have, I believe I have some good wise counsel among them. I don’t need you trying to unseat me as my own worst critic. You like to push buttons. Me too—”Ignore.”
Contest—Adding to the mystery of where I know you from, I see that you’re well on your way to maximizing your friend count and yet your name is not Betty White. That clues me in that you’re going to try and recruit my friends to help you get there.
Although your request was denied, I do want to assure you that my acceptable policy is pretty fair. My list contains a diverse group of personalities, evidenced by at least 16 identifiable types (see below).
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