Navigating Self-Inflicted Storms: A Journey of Hope

Have you ever wondered if you would survive during a time of trying to navigate a self-inflicted tumultuous emotional storm? Maybe you said to yourself, If just one more thing hits the fan, I quit! You might not be suicidal, but you sure as heck are ready to wake up in heaven sooner than later. The tempest is especially difficult to endure when you know in your knower that you caused it. What’s worse, perhaps some of your oldest friends and significant parts of your tribe abandoned you and got out of town (i.e., a relationship with you) because you’re a category five hurricane that’s devastated everything and everyone in its path. And sadly, the pain you’re experiencing is the result of a self-induced storm. As much as you want to blame global weirding, something, someone, or anyone else—you know the blame is yours.

Storms Suck

Years ago, when I worked for a bank, I was flying on a business trip. The weather at our point of departure was sketchy at best, and I was a bit concerned as I climbed aboard a small airplane. As I feared, the takeoff and the first part of the flight were terrifying. The plane was being bounced all over, and I swear, at one point, we were upside down. Several people around me were losing their dinner in a small white bag. The pilot came on the intercom, apologized, and said, “Please hang in there. It’ll get better in just a bit.” And it did calm down as we popped through the storm clouds to a stunningly sunny day at about 20,000 feet.

I thought of that experience when I recently received a text message from a former parishioner. Honestly, I didn’t want to open the text and read it at first. I didn’t want to take another blow emotionally. I felt drained from a relentless onslaught of lightning strikes that came as a result of my divorce. But curiosity got the best of me, so I opened it, and as I read it, I wept. Without discounting my sin or ignoring my many failures, he affirmed his love for me and God’s work in my heart and life. It was like popping through a storm into a place of peace.

In reflecting on my journey over the past couple of years, I hold two truths close:

1. I caused the storm and its aftermath due to my reckless, sinful decisions.
2. Kind words spoken with love and grace possess a transformative power, offering healing and hope in times of self-inflicted trials.

My prayer for the rest of my days is that I will be the humble and grace-filled man who whispers into the hearts of those who are suffering self-induced storms, “I still see Jesus working in and through you. Don’t despair. Don’t give up. Keep your eyes on Him. It’ll get better in time.”

Greatest Success?

Someone asked me once, “What was your greatest success?”

I didn’t hesitate, “Which failure would you like to hear about?”

He chuckled and said, “No, really, I am being serious.”

I looked him in the eye and said, “So am I.”

He shook his head and sighed, “I don’t understand.”

I told him what I had said to many. “I am not proud of my failures. I don’t boast about them. And many of them are tragic and embarrassing because of their horrible impact on others. But there are two things I’ve discovered about failures. Failure will teach you the greatest life lessons if you’re willing to grow through them and not just go through them. And my failures have kept me humble and dependent on God.”

Arianna Huffington put it this way: “We need to accept that we won’t always make the right decisions, that we’ll screw up royally sometimes – understanding that failure is not the opposite of success, it’s part of success.”

Jeremiah encouraged us to remember: “But I still hope when I think about this: The trustworthy love of the Lord never ends, and his compassion has no limit” Lamentations 3:21-22, FBV.

Of course, failure is not the goal; faithful obedience is what we work toward. However, when entrusted to a kind and merciful God, our failures do not signal the conclusion of our journey or the end of our story.

I live with deeply held regrets. Sometimes, though I am free from guilt and shame, sorrow blankets my soul like a wet blanket. As David cried in Psalm 51:3, “I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.” There is not one day that I don’t think about my former life and how it was once upon a time. But when I get fixated on the past and all that I’ve lost, the Holy Spirit whispers to my fractured heart, Kurt, I am not done with you, yet. With Me in the mix, the best is yet to come because nothing and no one is beyond my ability to restore and renew.

Nothing.

No one.

Jesus truly is greater than all my regrets.

God Never Gives Up On Anyone

God never gives up on us and delights in working with broken lives because He has so many pieces to work with. We see shattered glass on the floor that threatens to cut anyone who comes too close. We see a thousand pieces scattered and beyond the hope of repair. We see a mess. But God sees the potential for a miracle.

I know redemption isn’t fair. I also know as Robert Farrar Capon wrote, “God isn’t fair; if he were fair, we’d all be in the soup. God is good: crazy, stark-staring-bonkers good.

If my story is anything, it is an unbelievable tale of a Father who restores the prodigal because He is good even when I am not. Abba is stark crazy, beyond reason, it-doesn’t-make-any-sense bonkers good to all of us all the time.

Yes, even you.

Sadly, American Christians tend to love the law more than the infuriating gospel. But to believe any less than the radical kindness and goodness of Jesus is to accept a lie and deny the gospel. God’s promise is the good news of love, mercy, and grace that offers every stinkin’ one of us hope, restoration, and the opportunity for transformation, no matter what we have done.

No. Matter. What. Period.

Maybe it’s time to stop looking in the rearview.

Please leave a comment below, and let’s engage in a conversation.

You can find out more about Kurt Bubna and his writing on Twitter and Facebook. You can read more about his views and insights, both in his books and on his website.