Poignant Reminder: We Are More than the Details of Our Lives and Deaths

Many of you might not follow baseball, but this week a 22-year old player on St. Louis died (with his girlfriend) in a car accident in the Dominican Republic. 

I thought this statement by his manager, Mike Matheny, was poignant:

I was asked last night to give some words regarding the tragic death of Oscar Taveras, but I just simply couldn’t.

First of all, it felt like a bad dream that could not be real, and when reality kicked in, my words didn’t even seem to make sense. To say this is a horrible loss of a life ended too soon would be an understatement. To talk about the potential of his abilities seemed to be untimely. All I wanted to do was get the guys together and be with our baseball family. I know the hurt that comes along with buying into the brotherhood of a baseball team. That hurt is just as powerful as the joys that come with this life. Not to say it is even close to the depth of pain his true family is going through, but the pain itself is just as real. The ache is deep because the relationships were deep, and forged through time and trials.

To the many fans who have already reached out with condolences, and to the many more who are in mourning, thank you for taking these players in, like they are one of your own. This level of care is what sets our fans apart.

In my opinion, the word “love” is the most misused, and misunderstood word in the English language. It is not popular for men to use this word, and even less popular for athletes. But, there is not a more accurate word for how a group of men share a deep and genuine concern for each other. We loved Oscar, and he loved us. That is what a team does, that is what a family does. You will be missed, Oscar.

I like how the manager doesn’t want to speak to his talents only.

Let me explain.

During my first two years at Kansas State University, I played linebacker behind a guy who was three years older than me. He was great and was nationally recognized for being one of the best linebackers in the country.

After college, he bounced around the NFL for a little while but was eventually cut.

There’s something terrible that happens when “the thing” you’ve been working for over your whole life is suddenly gone.  After he was cut, I realized his whole identity was wrapped up in football. Without it, he didn’t know who he was, and he struggled getting a footing in the real world.

Sadly in 2010, my former team mate took his life.

I remember at his funeral, everyone spoke about how he loved football.  There were even two helmets on his casket.

I just remember thinking, on that tragic day, how sad.

Even at his funeral, football was this person’s main identity. 

When we only understand ourselves within categories — football player, husband, son — we make the mistake of focusing on the details of our lives and never get to see the bigger picture.

Kudos to Mike Matheny for elevating the life of Oscar Taveras beyond just the details of sport.

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