5 Ways to Be a Better Wife

5 Ways to Be a Better Wife February 8, 2017
love with intention
Being a wife isn’t easy for me.

It’s not natural for me to greet my man with a Pinterest-worthy meal and a kiss at the end of the day.If I hold my husband’s hand and it’s not Sunday, he thinks something’s wrong.

If I’m not thinking about it, my PDA (public display of affection) won’t go beyond holding hands in church on Sunday.

I need to remind myself everyday to be a better wife. But, too many nights I lie in bed in my pink plaid jammy bottoms and raggedy red camisole thinking, “I’ve really got to up my wife game.” Then I doze off.

If you’re like me, loving your husband well isn’t going to happen by accident. You have to be intentional.

Keeping a marriage healthy is all about the “deets.” Those little details we commit to every day to encourage and love each other.

A few years ago, I decided to step up my wife game. I tried the Love Dare. The 40-day challenge for practicing unconditional love. Umm. . . I failed.

Before we married, I’d never had trouble being affectionate. We talked on the phone for hours. I surprised him. I held his hand. So, what’s the problem now?

Maybe your marriage, like mine,  has cooled to a simmer after years and kids.

Honestly, who fails the Love Dare? I gave up about Day 14.

Here’s the embarrassing part: After “14 days” of gifts, compliments, and sweet nothings, my husband was concerned. He said I was acting strange.

I’m re-examining who God wants me to be in his life, the wife He intended me to be. If all these years of marriage have taught me anything, it’s being a good wife won’t come naturally.

It’s simple, but it’s not easy.

Here are 5 fail-proof ways I’ve discovered to instantly up my wife game:

  • Admire him. Tell him what he’s doing well. Compliment him. Send him a text at work to let him know you’re thinking of him.
  • Spend time with him. Arrange quality time. When our kids were little, we set the expectation we’d spend time together each evening while they played or read a book.
  • Give him a gift. This can be as simple as baking cookies or making his favorite meal.
  • Get physical. Hold his hand. Put your arm around him in bed. Initiate intimacy.
  • Respect him. Say things to build him up. Tell other people nice things about him.

The bottom line is every man needs to know :

  • what he’s doing well
  • how much you appreciate his efforts
  • you want to spend time time with him
  • you’re thinking of him
  • you desire him

If you’re like me, you have the best intentions, but you get distracted. Knowing you love him isn’t enough. You need to show him you love him and your marriage is a priority. A hug, a kiss, a smile, a squeeze of his hand, or a kind word will go a long way.

I’m striving to make my husband feel loved and cherished so he no longer questions why I’m holding his hand, if it’s not Sunday.

Need skills to build emotional intimacy in your marriage?

  1. Visit my website  and  join my private Facebook group .
  2. Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
  3. Check out my FREE resources and download  How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave.
  4. Apply for private coaching with Sheila.

Subscribe to updates from The Not So Excellent Wife here!

Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be. 

She went from the brink of divorce to being married to a man who loves and adore her. (Yes, she’s married to the same guy!) Sheila started rocking her marriage when she learned to translate timeless truths into practical skills.

She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.

After 33 years of marriage, she’s a  coach,speaker and a writer who equips women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. 

She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.

Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network.  Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.


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17 responses to “5 Ways to Be a Better Wife”

  1. Thanks Sheila another great article! When we respect and love our husbands more, God blesses us even more as we become more and more like one!

  2. Sheila, and I thought I was the only one who had to be deliberate about being a good wife. Some days I fail miserably. Thankfully he has a forgiving and loving heart. Take care.

  3. Well of course, you’ve been married 30 years, right? Haha! No, it doesn’t matter. You are right. It must be intentional. I know me, so I won’t tempt myself with the challenge. But I will try, as I believe I have been trying to be intentional. Thanks for keeping it real! If you ever come to Sacramento, we must get together, kiddo!

  4. I love that you’re so open and honest about your own shortcomings! It’s refreshing to hear that others share some of the same problems. I too failed The Love Dare. I was frustrated with my husband’s lack of attention or recognition that I was even doing anything different. It didn’t have the results that I wanted. But I realized that what he needs may not be what I think. So now I’m trying to learn what actually blesses him. Good luck on your blog! I know lots of women are going to relate to this topic.

  5. Oh, my goodness. This post was just what I needed tonight. I can’t stop laughing. I think I see myself in your post. The only difference is I would never have started that love dare and I should have. I am going to shut this computer down right now and see if I can’t make a few changes myself. Thank you for making me smile after a difficult week. Where do I sign up, I need FREE Love Manifest: The “Deets” to Declaring Your Devotion and Improving Your Marriage in 28 Days

  6. I’m glad I could make you smile, Maree. There’s nothing funnier than the truth. You can download your FREE Love Manifest on my site. I’d love to have you join me. : 0

  7. Sheila, you are such a blessing. I failed the love dare too! A girlfriend and I decided to tackle it together and after we were a ways into it we realized we already were doing a lot of the things described in the book. Ha, ha. So we gave up. I hear you! Life definitely gets in the way. What I have tried to do more lately is be positive. I can’t change my spouse, but I can help him to see the things in life we can be thankful for. Certainly it would be helpful if our spouses also put into the relationship as much effort as they put into their jobs or hobbies, but sometimes they are tired, prideful and grumpy as well. And when I start to feel neglected or unloved, I try to take it back to the Lord. Hitting menopause hasn’t helped either. Feeling in love, what is that. But I think my spouse an I actually love each other more now than we used to simply because we’ve been through so much together and we’ve stuck with it. Can we do better? Yes. I like the challenge and I’m up for it. – Amy
    http://stylingrannymama.com/

  8. I am surprised by how many people admit to failing the Love Dare! Lol. I guess I’m in good company. (I think. Lol!!) Download the Love Manifest and let’s try it againMarriage is tough. Thanks for YOUR honesty.

  9. Love the name of this article, Shelia– it made me giggle a little. Especially when your husband questioned why you were acting so strange when you were pushing through with the Love Dare. Love your fresh and honest approach to love and marriage.