Lingerie Lessons to Try Right Now. . .

Lingerie Lessons to Try Right Now. . . September 6, 2017

how to resolve conflict in marriageWhat do a black lace teddy and conflict have in common? If you’re in either of them too long, they can creep into places they were never designed to go.  And, when they do, uh. . . you’ve got more trouble than a little discomfort.

Let me explain. I’ve had the unpleasant experience of wearing a teddy for eight hours. I was a 22 year-old newlywed. I laughed in the face of gravity, and airport security was nothing like it is today. After an extended business trip, I wanted to surprise my husband so I flew home from Indianapolis, Indiana, to Lawton, Oklahoma –829 miles–wearing nothing but a black teddy and an overcoat.

What I intended for good didn’t turn out so good. Winter storms and weather delays turned a 2-hour trek into an eight-hour teddy induced wedgie-wearing nightmare. My booty was on fire.

I’d checked my bags so I didn’t have the option to change into something else. The situation had turned hazardous. Same thing happens when we let conflicts linger too long in our marriages or try to resolve them in unhealthy ways. What would happen if we treated conflict in our marriages like we treat lingerie?

1.  We’d look for ways to get out of it quickly.

2. We’d handle it with care. 

Lingerie isn’t designed for comfort. You’re not supposed to be in it long. Same goes for disagreements with your spouse. We shouldn’t avoid them, but we shouldn’t stay in them long either.

I’d be lying if I didn’t admit those were the most uncomfortable eight hours of my life. Sometimes . . . being uncomfortable for a little while pays off big in the long-run.

Maybe you’ve never flown cross-country with a giant crack-burning wedgie (and I wouldn’t advise it), but you’ve probably been in other uncomfortable situations. Maybe you fight with your husband over and over about the same thing. Maybe your disagreements last longer than they should. Maybe you have ongoing disputes with your mother-in-law or a  neighbor or a co-worker.

No one likes the discomfort of disagreements, but they happen. There’s no benefit to either avoiding disagreements or lingering in them.

Marriages don’t break-up overnight. When trouble shows up in paradise, deal with it. Don’t make the mistake of allowing disagreements to edge out unity in your marriage.

I’ll be the first to admit, I’m no pro at conflict resolution. Sometimes I let things go on longer than I should.

Traveling eight hours in a teddy in mid-winter was miserable.  The plane was sweltering. I couldn’t take off my coat. The lining stuck to me like Saran wrap.  And, I resisted urges to scratch inappropriate places all the way home.

The discomfort of dealing with conflict is worth it. When it comes to conflict–like wearing lingerie–get out of it quickly and preserve the harmony of your relationship.

After eight hours of teddy torture, I figured I could rock granny panties for the rest of our marriage. I’d earned it.

How do you deal with conflict in your relationships?

 

 

 

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This post was originally published March 2016.


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35 responses to “Lingerie Lessons to Try Right Now. . .”

  1. When there is a conflict, I am right. But she is thinking the same thing. She is right. I’m right and she’s right, but we are saying different things, so that cannot be true.

    Typically, I need to pull back from my subjective position and get a little (or a lot) objectivity in my head. I need to uncover how I have contributed to this escalation. I know that Alean (my wife) is my best friend, that she is on my side in life, that she loves me, and most likely, I have said or done something that has hurt her. Find that and own it!

    Once I can own my contribution to the conflict, I find that one of the fastest paths to reconciliation is to just hold her and apologize. When I feel her grip tighten on me, I know we are on the road to recovery.

    Take offense slowly, and forgive quickly.

  2. Love your lingerie story. Reminds my of my first year of marriage when I greeted my husband at the door wraped in Glad wrap. It wasn’t my most brilliant move!

    When I remember, I try and get him to laugh. End of conflict every time.

  3. Hi, Sheila!
    What a great article! I’m not going to lie I hate conflict with a vengeance! However, instead of giving my husband some time to process or even myself time to process I end up wanting to own the blame even if it isn’t mine to own. In return I end up frustrated. Go figure! Since, I’ve become older and wiser I’ve learned because my childhood was so full of conflict I was pushing those same feelings in my marriage. I am learning conflict can be healthy and healing at the same time. You just have to figure out how much of it you want to wear 🙂

  4. Love these responses and your story. It really sticks. Tears popping out in laughter too!
    I started asking for the Lord’s help to come into the situation and our hearts. Prayer takes us to a softer more humble place faster than anything else I have found. It takes us to A place where we can be vulnerable, admit our own wrongs as well as hear how the other might be hurting. The key to getting to prayer is being humble enough to know we are getting NO WHERE on our own(stuck..wedgie) and ask for God’s help. It can be a difficult to get humble in an argument. Pride sticks us on opposing sides so often. Prayer breaks through pride with love, respect and care for each other. At times we must work though difficult issues, and it is much better to do it humbly in peace and Love rather than slamming our heads together in pride.

  5. This is awesome and your right! Marriages don’t break up over night. Marriage takes work and dedication. As we both fall more in love with the Lord we fall more in love with each other .

  6. Oh my goodness, I feel so sorry for what you had to go through just to surprise your husband! Yes, it’s interesting that it has similarities to conflict in marriage.

  7. You poor thing – that sounds awful! I’ve had to fly in uncomfortable business clothes but can’t imagine THAT level of uncomfortable. I love the way you connected it with conflict in marriage. Love it!

  8. LOL! I’m not sure how I got there. But, if we all think of wedgies when we have disagreements, that might be enough to bring an end to it quickly.

  9. Hands down the funniest post on conflict resolution I’ve ever seen. I’m getting married next year and I will definitely learn from your experiences as they relate to handling friction both in marriage and in garment choices 🙂

  10. HAHAHAHAHA!!! That was great!! Awesome analogy! That is soo so true! Thank you for putting a huge smile on my face this Friday. Glad I found your feature from the blogger’s pit stop! Great post, pinning:)

  11. I loved this, When I was younger I thought about doing something like that but never could bring myself to do it lol.
    You are so right marriage doesn’t deteriorate over night, I am a person who absolutely hates conflict and I almost lost my marriage because of it. I have learned that when something is bothering me to say something right away before it gets to big ( Although I have to admit sometimes it is super hard).
    I would love for you to share this at LMM linkup http://frugallivingontheranch.com/2017/09/18/literacy-musing-mondays-link-up-14/
    Have a great day
    Connie