1. He needs RESPECT.
Respect is like oxygen for men. It keeps him alive, in a manner of speaking. And helps him thrive. Popeye needs spinach. Your husband needs respect. It’s the thing that makes him who he is. It’s almost like a magic serum to his soul. When he feels respected, he feels like he can conquer the world. He’s full of optimism and hope. He can handle tasks he otherwise might not think he can. He’ll care for you better, love you more passionately and see the world through a positive lens.
2. He needs to know you’re HAPPY and CARED for.
That old adage “Happy Wife, Happy Wife” is not a myth. It’s truer than we think. When you feel happy and secure, your husband feels happy. He wants to care for you. Your happiness gives him great comfort. When he feels powerless to make you happy, he’ll struggle. Men are natural “fixers.” He may even try to find ways to make you happy or fix your problems. Sometimes he sees your happiness as a direct reflection of him. (Like when your kids misbehave, you see that as a direct reflection of your parenting.) He’ll struggle to find ways to make you happy because when you’re happy, he’s happy.
3. He needs to create a LEGACY.
He needs to know he’s contributed something to his time on earth that’ll live beyond him. He wants to be challenged and inspired but he wants to know what he’s doing will influence others long after he’s gone. He wants to make a difference.
4. He needs to find healthy ways to LET GO of his anger.
Men process emotions as anger. Seems strange to me, but they do. They express loneliness, sadness, hurt, or inadequacy as anger. He might try the “look-at-me-I’m-all-cocky” route and internalize stuff. That only works for so long. Eventually, he’ll explode. And we’re left scratching our heads thinking “what’s his problem?” One way men can deal with anger is by dealing with things and issues that have hurt them in the past. You may or may not have been involved in the incident. They need to find ways to forgive people who’ve hurt them or they may be consumed with rage and revenge. You can’t make peace with your husband’s past for him. He’ll need to seek ways to come to terms with his past. Everyone wants to be understood. You can try to understand why he feels the way he does and support him when he gets help.
5, He needs time to THINK.
As women, we need time to feel all the feels. He needs time to think all the thinks. Sometimes I’ll ask my husband a question and he’ll take longer to respond than I’d like. Or he’ll say, “I need some time to process that.” I used to think he was avoiding talking to me or choosing to ignore me, which would really tick me off. In reality, he’s actually reflecting on what I’ve said and determining how to best answer me. My husband is an early riser so he does his thinking early without interruptions. In addition to thinking, he also prays, reads his Bible and considers solutions to challenges. After a time of reflection, he feels recharged and energized. Your guy may need time at the end of the day. Whenever he needs it, try to understand, it’s part of his make-up. He’ll be a better husband for it.
When his needs are met, he’s at a better operating level. And he’ll be more eager to meet your needs as a result.
Need skills to build intimacy?
- Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
- Visit my website, like my Facebook page and join my private Facebook group.
- Check out my FREE resources and download How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave.
- Apply for private coaching with Sheila.
Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be.
She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.
She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.
In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network. Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.