The Not So Excellent Wife
“Mary” has been divorced twice and is thinking about walking out on her third marriage.
She says her husband’s changed.
This is a common refrain among women who seek coaching.
Why do so many husbands change after saying “I do”?
Marriage is hard because people are complicated. We don’t want to deal with conflict. And we don’t want to talk about what bugs us.
If we don’t talk, we can’t understand each other.
What if you understood something that could make you see your husband in a whole new light?
Understanding these four truths may help you see your husband and marriage a new way:
1. Women have most of the influence in the marriage.
It’s true. According to an Iowa State study, women have most of the influence in the marriage. Women decide whether or not a relationship will move forward. He pursues her. Even if she does pursue him, it’s because she wanted a relationship with him. Why do women have such influence? Women are designed to attract men. You have something he wants –physically and emotionally.
2. Your husband wants to please you.
One of your husband’s greatest desires is to please you. God designed him that way. The Bible is full of men who wanted to please women. The best and first example is Adam. Adam bit the apple because he wanted to please Eve. They’d never had a fight. They had never had a disagreement. He didn’t fear her wrath if he refused. He just wanted to please her, even though he knew it was wrong. Your husband is no different. You might not think so, but it’s true.
3. Your husband wants to be your hero.
It’s no wonder that superheroes started out as men. Men want to impress women. He wants to be your knight in shining armor. Remember when you began dating,? He wanted to be close to you. He wanted to carry that heavy load for you. He wants you to be proud of him. He wants to know he can please you.
4. Your husband’s not complicated.
That’s not an insult. Your husband is not hard. When he asks what’s wrong and you say “nothing” he believes you. He may not even notice as pout for the next few days hoping he’ll get a hint. He won’t. He goes about his life. Then you get mad, thinking he ought to know something’s wrong. He doesn’t. He asked you a question. You gave him an answer. He’s satisfied. He’s moved on.
Understanding these truths may give you a new perspective on your husband.
- You have tremendous influence in your marriage.
- Your husband wants to make you happy.
- He wants to be your knight.
- He’s not complicated.
If all this is true, why won’t he just please you so you can have a great marriage? Why are you always the one who has to change?
Your husband has responsibility in the marriage, but you can only control you.
When you change the way you view him, chances are he’ll change the way he responds to you
Need skills to build intimacy?
- Learn skills to radically change your marriage in Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
- Visit my website, like my Facebook page and join my private Facebook group.
- Check out my FREE resources and download “How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave” Challenge!
- Apply for private coaching with Sheila.
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Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be.
She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.
After 33 years of marriage, she’s a coach and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.
She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.
In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network. Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.
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