This is a Common Enemy of Your Marriage

This is a Common Enemy of Your Marriage September 25, 2019

what causes fights in marriage

Do you ever fight over silly things?

We had a huge argument was over a can of tuna once.

After a long day at work, I was exhausted. I just wanted to plop down in front of the TV and eat the last of the tuna salad.

But my husband beat me to it. When I walked in the door, he was finishing it off.

Ordinarily not a big deal. But I was tired, so it was a big deal. I didn’t know if I should scream or cry. I think I did a bit of both.

The problem was not the tuna (or lack thereof). The problem was exhaustion.

If you’re like most couples, you argue occasionally.

Our fights range in issue from big things like finances to insignificant things like who ate the last of the tuna.

What causes fights in marriage?

Most disagreements are either started or intensified because of fatigue

Whether we’re arguing about something substantial or something silly, I’ve noticed a common theme in almost all of our disagreements: Fatigue.

Fatigue is an enemy to your marriage.

Fatigue changes your perspective and can change the way you see your husband in that moment. 

You think he’s mad when he’s really tired. You think he’s cool and aloof when he’s really preoccupied with something that happened at work.

Your perspective changes the way you respond to him.

When you’re tired, you’re less likely to be patient and more likely to be annoyed.

You’re less likely to be caring and more likely to be controlling.

You’re less likely to be doting and more likely to be disrespectful.

When you’re tired, you’ll say and do stuff you wouldn’t normally say and do. And the one you love can seem like your enemy.

Most of our disagreements are either started or intensified because of fatigue.

Things that normally wouldn’t bother you become extremely irritating when you’re tired.

Extreme fatigue impairs your cognitive ability and can cause you to respond worse than someone who’s blood-alcohol level is over the legal limit.

Sleep deprivation is a huge factor in fatigue. It  impairs your ability to accurately read human,( i.e. your husband) emotions.

A study published in SLEEP found that sleep deprivation makes it harder to read the facial expressions of others, specifically to determine whether they’re happy or sad.

Fatigue impairs your ability to interpret emotions

Misinterpretation of emotions? A major fight starter.

When you’re tired, your inhibitions are lower but your temper is higher.

If you or your husband has had a long day, it’s probably not a good time to discuss important issues. It’s probably a good time to extend extra grace.

Unfortunately, tired is a way of life for most of us. In addition to clouding your mind and causing harm to your marriage, fatigue can also wreak havoc on your health.

When I’m tired, I’m not kind or excellent or patient or loving. And I’m more likely to be disagreeable and less loving and patient.

So if fatigue begins to plague your marriage, take a step back and get some rest. You may gain a whole new perspective after a nap.

Need skills to build intimacy?

  1. Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
  2. Visit my website,  like my Facebook page and  join my private Facebook group.
  3. Check out my FREE resources and download “How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave” Challenge!
  4. Apply for private coaching with Sheila.

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Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be. 

She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.

After 33 years of marriage, she’s a  coach  and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.

She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.

In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network.  Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian,, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.

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