Have you ever thought “Crap, I married the wrong person” ?
Marriage has a lot less to do with marrying the right person and more to do with doing the right things with the person you married.
When things aren’t going well, there’s hope. You can get your relationship back on track.
Why You Said ‘I Do’
Here are four ways to remind yourself of why you said, “I do” in the first place and to bring back that loving feeling:
- Listen--It’s natural to want to express your viewpoint, especially when you disagree. Everyone wants to be heard. When a situation is heated, it’s easy to begin criticizing, condemning and complaining. When you’re criticizing and condemning, you’re no longer listening. Instead your focus shifts to your husband’s negative traits. Complaining places the focus on problems instead of solutions. Seek to understand his point of view by listening. Try to put yourself in his shoes. You don’t have to agree with him, but you can show him respect and validate him by listening to what he has to say. Then you can respond by letting him know you understand why he feels the way he feels.
- Touch--Touch is a powerful form of nonverbal communication. It’s easy to want to disengage when you disagree. Touch is a fundamental human need. It communicates connection and reassurance. Instead of moving away from your husband during a disagreement, move towards him. Initiate physical touch. A gentle touch can communicate compassion and love. Place your hand on his leg or shoulder. Hug him or kiss him to diffuse the situation.
- Be quiet–Once words come out of your mouth, you can never take them back. In the heat of the moment, you might want to say something you’ll later regret. Calling names, being sarcastic and mocking will probably escalate the disagreement and could produce feelings of contempt. Instead of responding out of anger, take time to calm down. Resume the conversation when you’ve had time to think and can respond in a rational way.
- Kindness–When you re-engage in the discussion, be kind. Keep your voice low and soft. And don’t minimize your husband’s concerns. Affirm him. Remind him you are on the same team, and your disagreement is not more important than your relationship.
Need skills to build intimacy?
- Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage!
- Visit my website, like my Facebook page and join my private Facebook group.
- Check out my FREE resources and download How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave.
- Apply for private coaching with Sheila.
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Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be.
She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.
In addition to more than 33 years of marriage, Sheila has a Masters Degree in Communication and countless hours of mentoring and coaching women.
She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.
In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network. Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.