Here’s What Happens When You Assume the Worst

Here’s What Happens When You Assume the Worst January 17, 2020

here's what happens when you assume the worstDo you have “psychic-wife syndrome” or PWS? If you’re among the millions of wives who think you can read minds, maybe you should think again.

Mind reading is when you assume you know what your husband is thinking or feeling without him saying a word.

It’s as if you can look into his mind and know his intentions without evidence or details. And if you’re like me, you usually assume the worst.

Here’s what happens when you assume the worst.

Early in my marriage, I was a physic wife. I had a bad habit of mind reading.

He’d bring me flowers or do something nice for me, and I’d get mad because I’d read his mind. I know what he wants.

He’d come home late, and I’d get mad because I’d read his mind:  He’s rude. He doesn’t care about me.

Obviously it wasn’t true. I quickly found out mind reading can wreck your marriage.

He’s didn’t say he was going to be late for dinner so obviously he takes me for granted.

He didn’t help with the kids last night so he’s a jerk who thinks I should do all the work. 

He doesn’t want to talk so he’s doesn’t care about our relationship.

Maybe he was frustrated because his boss cornered him on his way out the door.

Or he enjoys spending time with the kids but had a long day at work and was tired.

Or he cares about your marriage, but he’s trying to process how he’s going to pay the bills and put new tires on the car before winter.

He may have a number of legitimate explanations. But you won’t know because you’ve assumed the worst.

Assume the worst and you’ll see the worst

If you think your husband is out to get you or he doesn’t care about your feelings, you’re going to interpret his actions as a sign he’s out to get you or he doesn’t care about you. And you’ll treat him accordingly.

Assumptions create conflict and increase tension. Assumptions stifle intimacy. Assumptions create misunderstanding.

The best way to combat “psychic wife syndrome” is to hang up your crystal ball and wait for an explanation.

While you wait, you can choose your thoughts and perspective. Just as you can train yourself to assume the worst, you can train yourself to assume the best.

You can choose to have positive thoughts and a positive perspective.

Negative assumptions can affect intimacy in your marriage. No one likes to be falsely accused. It’s hurtful.

If you assume the worst about your husband, you’ll see the worst.

If you assume your husband doesn’t care about you, you’ll attribute his actions to selfishness and insensitivity.

If you assume he should know what you’re thinking and what you need, think again.

If you adjust your perspective to expect the best, you’ll see the best.

So stop assuming the worst and expect the best.

Here’s how to stop assuming the worst:

  1. Decide to reserve judgment until you get details.
  2. Before jumping to conclusions or getting defensive, wait for clarification.
  3. Assume he cares about you and focus on what he does well.

If you want to assume, assume your husband loves you and wants what’s best for you.

When you assume the best, you create harmony and cut down on conflict.

If you’re looking for skills to help you cut down on assumptions and create harmony in your marriage, enroll in my six-week group coaching session Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage .

The next session starts in February. I’d suggest enrolling now so you don’t miss out.

Need skills to build intimacy?

  1. Enroll in my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
  2. Visit my website,  like my Facebook page and  join my private Facebook group.
  3. Check out my FREE resources and download “How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave” Challenge!
  4. Apply for private coaching with Sheila.

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Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be. 

She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.

After 33 years of marriage, she’s a  coach  and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.

She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.

In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network.  Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.


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