How I Painlessly Changed Myself and Changed My Marriage for the Better

How I Painlessly Changed Myself and Changed My Marriage for the Better December 30, 2019

how to change myself and change my marriageDo you argue about the same issues over and over again? Do you feel like nothing will ever change? Are you feeling hopeless, lonely and frustrated and you blame him?

I felt the same way until I learned something that changed everything.

Are you looking at this past year of marriage saying something’s got to change?

Are you asking yourself, “How can I change myself and change my marriage?” without being a doormat or being someone I’m not?

It’s possible. And I’m proof of it.

When I got married, I understood marriage to mean he’d do all he could to make me happy.

We’d split the household chores 50/50, he’d be attentive to my needs and he’d never complain about me.

It didn’t work out like that. In fact, it wasn’t working out at all.

I learned how to change everything

We argued about the same issues over and over again. I constantly complained about him. I felt like nothing would ever change. And I was left feeling hopeless, lonely and frustrated. And I blamed him.

Until I realized I could do something to change everything.*

It wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.

What if you discovered you could love your husband and painlessly change your marriage?

You can love your husband and change your marriage. But:

  • You can’t change your marriage and constantly criticize him at the same time.
  • You can’t change your marriage and think you’re smarter than he is.
  • You can’t change your marriage when you have to be in control.
  • You can’t change your marriage when you can’t forgive him.
  • You can’t change your marriage when you fear he’ll fail you.

Seems like when you’re having a hard time, there’s no shortage of people who know exactly what you should do to fix your marriage. Everyone has good advice.

Some of the “good” advice is bad advice.

You can’t fix your marriage with “good advice.” You need the best advice in the world.

When I finally got that advice, I discovered everything I was doing to change my marriage was exactly opposite of what I needed to do.

You need the best advice in the world

My strategy was to tell him what he needed to do to change to make our marriage better.

Wrong strategy.

You can love your husband and change your marriage.

You can love your husband even when you feel like he doesn’t deserve it.

You can love your husband even when society says you shouldn’t.

But you have to be willing to do things differently.

After five years of doubt and fear, the man I thought was wrecking my life became a man who cared deeply for my heart.

Sounds strange, but it happened.

My husband treats me like a princess. Not because I demand it, but because he wants to.

So what happen? 

I learned six critical skills that took my marriage from hopeless to amazing.

I learned to:

  • Show gratitude
  • Give up control
  • Respect him
  • Communicate so he could hear me
  • Let him take care of me
  • Be vulnerable

Is it easy? No. But it works. These skills empowered me and seemed to make him fall in love with me all over again. They can work for you, too.

My six-week group coaching session Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage will show you how.

The next session starts in February. I’d suggest enrolling now so you don’t miss out.

Get the incredible marriage you deserve.

*If you’re in an abusive relationship or with someone caught in substance abuse or habitual cheating, you should get help. Call: 1-866-223-1111 or text: 612-399-9995 for help.

Need skills to build intimacy?

  1. Enroll in my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
  2. Visit my website,  like my Facebook page and  join my private Facebook group.
  3. Check out my FREE resources and download “How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave” Challenge!
  4. Apply for private coaching with Sheila.

Subscribe to updates from The Not So Excellent Wife here!

Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be. 

She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.

After 33 years of marriage, she’s a  coach  and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.

She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.

In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network.  Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.


Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!