This Common Myth Can Stop You From Fixing Your Marriage

This Common Myth Can Stop You From Fixing Your Marriage December 30, 2019

common myths about fixing your marriageDid your marriage get off to a rocky start?

Mind did.

So why do I share how to build a closer, more intimate relationship with your husband if my marriage started off so bad?

Because I learned one of the most common beliefs about fixing a marriage is a myth.

It takes two people to fix a marriage is a myth. It’s simply not true.

Regardless of how my marriage started, somewhere along the way, I realized I could do something to change it. And I could change it without any help from him.

Maybe your marriage started with a bang and went downhill at some point after that.

You started having financial problems or you started struggling as the kids came along. Or there was a job loss or maybe you just never had a good role model.

Was your mom was like my mom and she seemed to wear the pants in the family? Or maybe you watched as your dad ran over your mom and you vowed never to be like that.

Has trust been broken or you feel he just doesn’t deserve your respect?

After years of arguing, counseling and reading self-help books, I was ready for the big ‘D.’ Divorce.

But here I am almost 34 years later still married to the same great guy. (He was a great guy then, too.)  And I have a great marriage, but I still have a lot to learn.

For years, I didn’t have the right motives or resources. And I believed the myth “it takes two” to fix a marriage.

Two people are rarely ready at the same time

“It takes two” was in the tool chest of advice I got from talk show hosts, counselors, people who were divorced or people who had lousy marriages.

People told me over and over again, I needed his help to improve our marriage.

Rarely are two people ready for change at the same time.

So what if your case is like mine? You’re ready for change but your husband isn’t?

He endured the long discussions about the relationship, but nothing ever changed. He listened to my whining, nagging and complaining while growing more distant and becoming less interested in me.

Should you wait until he’s ready to change?

If you do, you may continue fighting about the same things, and you’ll stay stuck in the same patterns.

You’ll become more and more disconnected and less and less happy.

It only takes one person to destroy a marriage, and it only takes one person to fix it, too.

It takes one person who’s willing to make some changes. One person who’s willing to be vulnerable.

When you change the way you treat him, chances are he’ll change the way he responds to you.

You alone can learn skills which will change the way you view your husband and change your marriage.

To combat the myth of it takes two:

  1. Make your marriage your top priority
  2. Remember why you married him
  3. Put the focus squarely on you
  4. Look for things to be thankful for
  5. Learn how to express what you desire
  6. Learn to communicate so he feels respected

You have the potential to create change in your marriage.

You can change your actions and behaviors.

There are no guarantees.* But when you take the initiative and begin changing the way you treat him, chances are he’ll change the way he responds to you.

Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage can show you how to change the way you view your husband and your marriage.

Enroll in the next session of Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage and join women who’ve made a radical difference in their marriages.

The next session starts in February. I’d suggest enrolling now so you don’t miss out.

Get the incredible marriage you deserve.

*If you’re in an abusive relationship or with someone caught in substance abuse or habitual cheating, you should get help. Call 1-866-223-1111 or text 612-399-9995 for help.

Need skills to build intimacy?

  1. Learn skills to radically change your marriage in Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
  2. Visit my website,  like my Facebook page and  join my private Facebook group.
  3. Check out my FREE resources and download “How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave” Challenge!
  4. Apply for private coaching with Sheila.

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Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be. 

She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.

After 33 years of marriage, she’s a  coach  and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.

She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.

In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network.  Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian,, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.

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