The Not So Excellent Wife
Did you go into marriage thinking it’d be your happy place?
I did. And when it wasn’t, I blamed my husband.
He was supposed to be my personal happy machine.
He didn’t see it that way. And since he wasn’t making me happy, I started making him miserable.
I’d nag and complain because he seemed more interested in anything other than me. I longed for a happy, emotionally intimate relationship.
We weren’t ever going to have one at the rate I was going.
What can you do to make your marriage happier?
In truth, my criticism and complaining were dragging our marriage down. And they didn’t move me one step closer to the loving, compassionate, emotionally intimate marriage I wanted.
Fortunately, I found three happy marriage tips that helped me get the connection I want.
1. Let him know he can make you happy.
If your husband feels like all you do is complain, he’ll think he can’t make you happy and he’ll stop trying. Let him know when you’re pleased. Tell him what you like. When he knows what you like, he’ll do more of it. He sees your complaints as criticism of him. Let him know you appreciate what he does. If he makes the bed, thank him instead of re-making it. Act like you’re happy to see him. Tell him you’re glad he’s home or you missed him. Find another outlet for your complaints. Focus on telling him what you like. Ask yourself, “Would I want to come home to me?” When you feel good about him, he feels good about himself. Instead of complaining let him know what you want. When he knows what you want, he may try to get it for you.
2. Smile at him.
The simple act of smiling can transform you and those around you. When you smile, your face sends a message to your brain that you’re happy. And smiling makes you look better. You appear approachable. Would you want to approach someone who always has a sour face? When my husband walks in the door and I smile at him, he automatically smiles back. When I’m happy, he’s happy. If you want to be happy, act happy. People like to be around happy people.
3. Say thank you.
Seems simple, but it works. One way to be thankful is to let your husband know you appreciate him. Thank him for what he does, even if it’s something he’s supposed to do. If he picks up the kids from school, thank him. If he takes out the trash, thank him. Look for reasons to thank him. When he feels appreciated, he feels respected. When he feels respected, he’s going to want to make you happy. A grateful wife is a happy wife. Make a list of things you’re thankful for in your marriage and in life in general. Start focusing on those things and expressing thanks for them.
Need skills to build intimacy?
- Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
- Visit my website, like my Facebook page and join my private Facebook group.
- Check out my FREE resources and download “How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave” Challenge!
- Apply for private coaching with Sheila.
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Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be.
She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.
After 33 years of marriage, she’s a coach and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.
She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.
In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network. Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.
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