The Not So Excellent Wife
Has he lost that loving feeling?
Are you scratching your head wondering where it’s gone?
Your inner control freak may be driving it (and him) away.
Don’t think you’re a control freak?
Most control freaks don’t.
The problem with control is sometimes you don’t recognize it as control.
You see it as being helpful or honest or just wanting things done right.
But when you try to control the outcome because you’re afraid of what might happen if you don’t, you’re a control freak.
Fear is the driver behind control.
When you try to control your husband, he feels disrespected.
That’s a problem.
When you try to control your husband, you send him the message that you don’t think he’s smart enough to do it right.
Honesty, early in my marriage, I felt that way a lot. I thought I was smarter than him or at the very least I knew better.
A controlled is not a happy man. He may tolerate it for a while, but eventually he’ll try to get as far away from you as he can.
If your husband seems distant or is cranky all the time, you might have a problem with control.
If your husband gets the message he can’t do anything right, he won’t to anything at all.
12 signs you have an inner (and outer) control freak
- You ask your husband to do something then tell him how to do it.
- You tell your husband how much money he can spend or remind him not to use certain credit cards.
- You tell him how you would’ve done it.
- You re-do something he’s done.
- You speak for him or make decisions for the two of you.
- You shoot him disapproving looks, roll your eyes, suck your teeth or sign to let him know you don’t like something.
- You criticize him.
- You withhold sex.
- You give him the silent treatment.
- You ask questions that make his choices seem stupid. Is that what you’re having for breakfast? Are you wearing that? Does that match?
- You let him know what’s wrong with him.
- You telling him what he should or shouldn’t do.
Control destroys intimacy.
How to do you stop being a control freak?
Just let it go. If you ask him to do something, let him do it instead of correcting him or re-doing it.
When you feel the urge to control, ask yourself, what am I afraid of? Is this worth fighting about? What is the worst thing that can happen?
When you find yourself controlling, apologize. An apology is the fastest way to restore respect.
If you want to bring back that loving feeling, try letting go of control.
Need skills to build intimacy?
- Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
- Visit my website, like my Facebook page and join my private Facebook group.
- Check out my FREE resources and download “How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave” Challenge!
- Apply for private coaching with Sheila.
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Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be.
She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.
After 33 years of marriage, she’s a coach and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.
She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.
In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network. Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.
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