If my husband had said “I’ll give it a shot” when the pastor asked him to keep his wedding vows, I would’ve drop kicked that bouquet and headed for the door. You probably would’ve, too.
“I do” is a serious promise.
How do you show commitment in marriage?
“I do” is for real
“I do” is a substantial promise. Til death do you part is a long time.
Most people don’t have a problem with “I do” when it’s easy.
With the divorce rate hovering around 50 percent, married couples seem to have a pretty hard time sticking it out.
How do you act like you’re committed when you realize the man you thought he was and the man he is are two different people?
How do you act committed when you’re hurt? How do you act committed when you’re bored?
It’s not rocket science, even though it took me a little while to figure out what “I do” really means.
“I do” means you’re in it forever. Even when you don’t feel like you’re in love. Even when you’re hurt, disappointed or discouraged. It means you’re still committed when you’re angry or frustrated.
As a wife coach, I speak with many women who are considering either giving up on their marriages or settling for an unhappy one.
It’s tempting to want to look for a way out when marriage is hard.
When you said “I do,” did you mean you’re willing to stick it out no matter what or are you willing to give it a try?
What you do is more important than what you say.
Here are 7 ways to let your husband know you’re committed to your marriage:
1. Apologize
“I do” means you’re willing to admit when you’re wrong. It also indicates you’re more concerned with reconciling than with being right.
Trust is important to commitment. When your husband knows he can trust you, he feels more confident in the relationship. Being honest with him also communicates trust. Tell him what you think and how you feel.
Let your husband know you appreciate him. Say “thank you” often. Your husband wants to know he can make you happy. Gratitude or appreciation communicates you’re happy.
Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen. Sometimes I’m so busy thinking about what I want to say, I don’t take time to hear my husband. When you listen, he feels like what he says is important and you understand what is important to him
5. Let him know you’re in it for the long haul
This may seem like a no-brainer, but nothing says lack of commitment like threatening divorce. Don’t threaten divorce even when you’re angry. Let him know you’re willing to work it out even when you’re disappointed.
Go out of your way to make your husband feel special. Make his favorite meal, choose to spend time with him instead of going out with your friends. When you make an effort to please him, he feels like he’s important to you.
7. Understand forgiving is a process
Forgiving isn’t a one and done. It’s a process, which takes time and can be tough. The natural thing to do is to retaliate or retreat when someone hurts you. Women have a way of recording and cataloging every hurt or slight. Like, remember that time in October 1987, at 1:35 pm when you said “XYZ.” But holding onto hurts causes resentment and hurts you. Forgiving doesn’t mean you’re letting him off the hook. It doesn’t excuse the behavior. It means you’re not going to let the behavior destroy you.
You may have to remind yourself what “I do” means. I’ve know I have. If I meant, I’ll try I would’ve been gone a long time ago.
How do you remind yourself you meant “I do?”
Need skills to build intimacy?
- Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
- Visit my website, like my Facebook page and join my private Facebook group.
- Check out my FREE resources and download How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave.
- Apply for private coaching with Sheila.
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Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be.
She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.
After 33 years of marriage, she’s a coach and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.
In addition to more than 33 years of marriage, Sheila has a Masters Degree in Communication and countless hours of mentoring and coaching women.
She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.
In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network. Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.
The Not So Excellent Wife
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