How False Accusations Can Put a Damper on Your Marriage

I got a sip of my own nasty medicine when a man in Walmart falsely accused me of the theft of his cell phone.

If I’m truthful, it reminded me of the times I’ve falsely accused my husband without evidence.

No one likes to be falsely accused.

As soon as the store manager resolved the incident and restored my reputation, I couldn’t help but think about the times I’ve strained my marriage by falsely accusing my husband. False accusations can put a damper on your marriage because they hurt and cause strife.

The man practically convicted me of stealing his cell phone without a shred of evidence.

How often have you accused your husband only to find out later that he’s innocent?

More times that I’d like to admit, I’ve played judge and jury without having all the facts.

I’ve misinterpreted my husband’s actions and accused him of being selfish, inconsiderate, or intentionally hurting my feelings. What about women who make far worse false accusations such as flirting or cheating? Regardless of the magnitude, false allegations hurt your marriage and your husband because you convict him without due process.

If your character has ever been unfairly questioned, you know it’s not a pleasant feeling.

Anger is a normal reaction

Although we think anger makes him look guilty, it’s a normal reaction when someone casts doubt on your character. It’s disrespectful and humiliating.

That sums up my experience in Walmart.

I’d just begun putting my items on the conveyor belt when the guy who’d checked out ahead of me returned to the register.

Clearly agitated, he practically shouted, “Someone stole my cell phone!”

Before the cashier could respond, he said again, loudly, “Someone stole my cell phone, and if I don’t get it back, I’m calling the police!” He asked for the manager.

Meanwhile, I scanned the area to make sure his phone hadn’t fallen on the floor. As I glanced around, our eyes met, and it occurred to me.

He didn’t say I took his phone, but his look indicated the “someone” was me.

I stared at him, lowering my eyes into a mean squinty glare, but that hot feeling began to creep up my neck. Would I have to prove my innocence?

He repeated his accusation and threat to the manager. She patiently suggested someone call his phone or that he re-examine his stuff  to make sure he hadn’t overlooked it.

He huffed and started poking through his stuff.

If you look for the worst, you’ll find it

After about ten seconds, he said quietly, “Oh, here it is.”

He pulled his phone from his personal things in his shopping cart and turned around and walked out.

No  apology. No “oops.”  No “my bad.”

I held my tongue but fantasized throwing a loaf of bread at the back of his head.

It’s embarrassing when you feel like you have to prove you’re innocent, especially to someone who’s supposed to love you.

The next time you’re attempted to accuse your husband before you have all the facts, take these steps while you wait for the details:

1. Remain calm.
2. Ask yourself, “Is he normally inconsiderate or disrespectful towards me?”
3. Remind yourself, you may not have all the facts.
4. Resist the urge to be unkind.
5. Stay in the present.
6. Don’t let events in your past drive your emotions in the moment. 
7. Give him the benefit of the doubt. If he’s innocent, you’ll be glad you did.

If you discover you made a false accusation, admit you were wrong and apologize. Ask for forgiveness.

In addition to hurting your marriage and husband, false accusations hurt you as well. You may become unnecessarily suspicious and begin misinterpreting his actions. If you look for the worst, you’ll find it, even when it’s not there.

How can you avoid making false accusations?

Need skills to build intimacy?

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