Last week while I was in San Diego, I met up with my blogging friend Matthew Polkinghorne at a funky little restaurant for breakfast.
Matthew is much younger than me, but is already vastly better connected, as indicated by the top leadership name brands he casually mentions in passing conversation.
“Brad,” he says, “You should come out with me next week to Marshall’s house for our morning walk.” As in Marshall Goldsmith, best-selling author and famous leadership coach to Fortune 500 CEOs.
And I’m like, “Oh, it’s ‘Marshall? And not just ‘Marsh?’ And are you serious?
I fear that we are careening dangerously out of my league.
Matthew is an ambitious fellow, with an intensely curious mind, which I hear is a sign of intelligence. As we were eating breakfast, enjoying a pleasant conversation, he suddenly hurled this question onto the table without any prior warning:
“Do you have to be fake to be an executive?”
It kind of caught me off guard, the whole idea that maybe he thought I was a fake; like on the job I pretend to be a hard-ass, or really smart, but in my real life I am a kind and dumb person.
“No, of course not!” I said, practically spitting up a mouthful of all natural steel-cut oatmeal topped with turbanado sugar, skim milk, and locally farmed raisins. “Why would I do that?” I swallowed hard, and then said, “Well, yes, maybe once, a long time ago, I probably used to be a little fake.”
It is true that many years ago, during the clawing-my-way-up-the-corporate-ladder phase, there were times when I may have been more guarded, more concerned about the impression I was making rather than being the authentic goofball that I was. I was just being careful, though. Not necessarily fake.
All right. Maybe I was faking it a little, but mostly because I didn’t think my employers would be so happy if they found out about the real me. The real dope-head, loser me, who mysteriously, accidentally, somehow got promoted to a management position. What were these people thinking? How did I ever get hired at this level? What would they do if they found out how incapable I really was? These were the self-sabatoging thoughts I fought against.
I thought I really was a fake, so therefore I was faking to cover up that I wasn’t a fake. It was complicated.
The Imposter Syndrome
It is a well know fact that most new managers experience what is known as the Imposter Syndrome, where high achievers worry that they’ve fooled people into believing that they are more competent than they really are. People typically cope with this by covering up their insecurity through avoiding tough questions, or pretending that they know more than they do. Either way, it takes the focus off of bringing your skills and talents to get the job done, and more on what impression you are making.
For the most part, I nixed that pesky imposter syndrome years ago. I think it is just a matter of time and experience, which get you to the point of not worrying so much what people think any more. I am well aware of my strengths and weaknesses, and accept the whole package when doing my job. I assume that everyone else that I work with knows my strengths and weaknesses, too. I’m not fooling anyone, so why pretend? If my boss, or the Board of Directors, didn’t like my management performance, they would have gotten rid of me a long time ago.
I don’t know if I sufficiently answered this, or any of Matthew’s other questions that morning. I certainly don’t have all the answers, like Marsh does. I can’t pretend to be something I’m not. I’m just a guy getting together with a blogging friend for breakfast.
I think Matthew is fine with that.
But what about you? Have you ever faked your own leadership?
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