A Letter to the Devout Mother’s Son Who Skipped Christmas Mass

This week, I read an article on a Catholic blog about a son’s absence from Christmas Mass and the grief this caused his mother. Even though the article was written for those lamenting family members who have left the practice of religion, I wanted to write a letter to the son and make him not just an object of a blog post, but an active and considered person.

January 2, 2017

Dear Homie,

I get it.

For years, you’ve been participating in this religion, this faith idea. And it was your family’s choice. You probably didn’t dare question–at least not out loud–the truth of the Trinity or transubstantiation (see, I went to Catholic school too). Sometimes the presupposition that God even is seems too basic to question in those environments.

But now that you’re in college, the independence is refreshing. The cement is hardening: your personality is setting, and you’re deciding which values will be essential to who you are as an adult.

Here’s the kicker. I hope that religion is part of that. I hope that you come to see the beautiful eccentricity of the Catholic Church and the morbid awesomeness of the cross.

But I hope that you see it that way. In your own time, in your own way. That you make the church yours, not because it’s a family tradition, or because it will make your momma happy.

I get that for the first time in your life, maybe, you don’t feel yoked or corralled to go where others tell you where to go or what to believe.

American stubbornness at its finest.

That’s not entirely a bad thing.

I think that church attendance will always dwindle if it’s comprised of people who are only there to satisfy others. The Church’s growth and sustainability is greatly influenced by the ability of its people to wrestle with God, in a Biblical sense, or the grace of doubt.

So do things for your own sake, especially things as important as what you believe. Don’t be guilted into being corralled. It takes a lot to break away from anything that feels empty and just handed down to you, to find your own way. I want to commend you for your honesty, and for doing what feels right for you, and for you alone.

But going to Christmas Mass only to make others happy isn’t a bad thing. Love for your momma is a good reason to go. Whether you attend Mass that one day a year or not is less important than why you choose to go or skip it.

So yeah, I’m not surprised that the barrage of emailed video clips, news articles, and interviews haven’t impacted you. It’s the same as when most of us pretend we’re not home when Mormons or Jehovah’s Witnesses show up at our door. The underlying authenticity is lost when we only see propaganda.

However, spoiler alert: I am Catholic. I do believe that the Church houses the greatest Truth we can ascertain in this world. It’d make my day to see you at Mass, then talk to you after about what parts of it seem great and what parts seem ridiculous. I don’t have any good answers, but I’ll listen and probably commiserate with you on certain leaps of faith.

Deep conversations about why we are in church in the first place are essential. And “to make others happy” might be a good reason to go to Christmas or Easter Mass, but it’s not going to keep you there long term.

So more than lecturing you on what is good for you and for your eternal soul, I hope to hear from you. What made you decide not to go to Mass on Christmas? What are the important things in your life right now?

Maybe what you need isn’t videos and articles, but someone who listens. And maybe over a beer we can talk about the best and worst parts of being Catholic.

Not a grand gesture to save your soul. Just offering nonjudgmental ear to hear your story.

Your pal,

Pest

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Want to write to the Pestilence of Sick Pilgrim, Matt? He’s not a theologian, nor a philosopher, nor particularly smart or holy. What Pest is, though, is willing to explore the huge environment of doubt that is often ignored in good believers’ circles. Don’t expect advice or worthwhile answers; this isn’t a damn advice column. However, if you want some companionship for the journey you’re on, email info@sickpilgrim.com with the topic “Yo Pest.” Unless you specifically request otherwise, your letter may appear in a blog post.