O mother, what is it to be a man? Sex ed at the Fishers

O mother, what is it to be a man? Sex ed at the Fishers January 26, 2015

Newberry_County,_South_Carolina._Clean_seed_being_bagged_after_going_through_two_cleaning_machines_._._._-_NARA_-_522795

On the way home from a Scooby Doo birthday party, my punky little daughter suddenly says, “Mama, how do wimmin get preg-a-nent?”

She is kid #7, and I honestly can’t remember how much she already knows, so I start vague: “Oh, well, when a man and a woman love each other very much [shut up, that’s a fine way to start this conversation!], one way they show each other that they love each other is they can put their bodies together in a very special way, and if the timing is just right, then the man can start to make a baby grow inside the woman.”

She says, “Okay. But how do they come together?”

I said, “Well, you know how [OH GOSH I HOPE YOU KNOW HOW] people have private parts on their bodies? And you know how a man’s private parts are different from a woman’s private parts? Well, they are different because they are made to fit together. Like a lock and a key. Does that make sense?”

Her: “Yyyyyes. . . . ”

Me: “So, it’s a very good thing if they love each other and they are married to each other, and they decide to make their private parts fit together in a nice way. And a thing that is almost like a seed comes out of the man’s body, and finds a spot inside the woman’s body. It’s almost like she’s a garden, and she lets him plant a seed in her garden to grow a baby. Isn’t that nice? Does that answer your question?”

Her: “Yeah. So, basically, a man is, like, a seed bag.”

Sorry, men. I tried. It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever heard a man called!

Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons 

 

 

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  • Betsy Fenton Archibald

    LOL! awesome. Can I start calling my husband that? Actually, that’s a helpful way of outlining the basics. The best I could come up with was “a special kind of hug” but hubs wasn’t a fan of that description (and I could imagine my kids being worried about giving/getting hugs…)

  • Jen

    *furiously taking notes for future need*

    “…lock and key….garden. Got it.”

  • anna lisa

    That was actually really good, (poetic!)–though I’m sure she’s really appalled by all of that Mom and Dad TMI. Did she nod and say, “ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh”. Or wrinkle her nose and say “ewwwwwwww?”
    I’d better get to it, and stop procrastinating with the fifth grader.
    On second thought that’s the man’s job with the boys, right? Frankly, I preferred my Mom’s non answer back in the day when I pressed her for answers. I still kind of prefer to think that they did it like the coral reefs do it.

  • And it’s the good old Aristotelian view of woman as the passive element who contributes nothing but a seed-bed 🙂

    jj

  • Tina

    That was a good laugh.

  • Leah Joy

    My kids tend to ask first “How does the baby get out of the mama’s tummy?” which is a pretty good question . . . one friend’s daughter seemed VERY concerned about this question as her mom’s tummy got bigger and bigger, and finally seemed to scrape her courage together to ask. Mom carefully explained about a “special place” made just for the baby to come out between the mama’s legs, hoping this idea would not be too distressing. On the contrary, her little girl looked tremendously relieved, and blurted, “Oh, good! I thought you had to barf it out!”

    • CSmith

      My daughter was about five years old when she asked me that question. When I told her, she got quiet a minute, then quietly said, “That would hurt.”

    • MightyMighty1

      You win the Internet for the day.

  • missfrancigirl

    At first I laughed at the expense of mankind. But then a thought shut me up: Conversely, are we women basically like rows of dirt?

    • ThereseZ

      Or are we basically ruts?

  • Sue Zanna

    I love this! Considering the number of times I seem to need to have to explain sex to kids/youth here in India, this is pretty helpful.

    P.S. I think you might like this blog post I wrote (shameless self promotion):
    http://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.in/2015/01/catholic-camps-oversimplified.html
    (You’re mentioned in it)