David Brody says tea party isn’t ‘far-right,’ just ‘constitutional’

David Brody says tea party isn’t ‘far-right,’ just ‘constitutional’ August 4, 2012

David Brody of the Christian Broadcasting Network is upset that his beloved “teavangelicals” were recently described as “far-right.”

That’s liberal speak for saying that these folks are crazy and off the reservation. The Tea Party calls these “far-right” folks “constitutional conservatives.” That’s the difference. The-latte sipping crowd in the NY-DC media corridor sees it one way and writes accordingly. The heartland of this country in flyover country sees a much different reality.

So let’s take another look at Brody’s tea-part/evangelical “constitutional conservatives” and those red-blooded values of the heartland. (You know, “flyover country” — those states that joined the union long after the war for independence was fought and paid for by “the latte-sipping crowd in the NY-DC media corridor.”)

First up, from New Hampshire, the Merrimack Tea Party “retracts comment, apologizes for wishing ‘colon cancer’ on Supreme Court justices.”

Former Town Councilor Mike Malzone, the founder of the Merrimack Tea Party, said Thursday in a Facebook post reacting to the Supreme Court ruling on health care, “I hope the (5 supremes) get colon cancer.”

A day after posting the message, Malzone said he stood by what he said.

… [A few days later], he retracted his statement, removed it from Facebook and replaced it with an apology.

Good Christian values there, see? That’s repentance in action. And after all, the only reason he said he hoped the justices got colon cancer was because they had supported the anti-Christian idea of universal health insurance.

In Tennessee, Eric Lach reports, constitutional conservatives and teavangelicals are rebuking the Republican governor “for, among other things, employing Muslims, gay people, and Democrats.”

At least two of the resolutions, from Stewart County and Williamson County, oppose the Haslam administration’s recent appointment of Samar Ali, 30, as international director at the state’s Department of Economic and Community Development (ECD). Ali, a lawyer and a 2010-2011 White House fellow, received both her undergraduate and law degrees from Vanderbilt University in Nashville, where she was the first Arab-Muslim student body president. In an emailed statement, Clint Brewer, assistant commissioner for communications for ECD, called Ali “one of the brightest leaders of her generation from this state.”

… The Stewart County resolution, meanwhile, lists several grievances against Haslam beside Ali’s appointment. The document faults the governor for retaining state employees hired under former Democratic Gov. Phil Bredesen; for retaining gay people who work in the Department of Children’s Services, and allowing them “to make policy decisions”; and for refusing to sign legislation opposing Agenda 21, a non-binding UN plan concerning sustainable development that is the subject of numerous fringe conspiracy theories.

Good teavangelicals know they have to defend the Constitution against Nicolae Carpathia and his evil Agenda 21. That’s not just some “fringe conspiracy theory” — it’s right there in the Bible. How many letters in the word “Agenda”? Six. So that’s 21 and 6, or 216. And what number, cubed, gives you 216? “Let him that hath understanding count the number.”

David Brody and his teavangelicals hath understanding. Verily, they hath understanding out the wazoo.

For example, the mainstream media totally missed the story about President Barack Obama being a gay marijuana and crack drug addict. But David Brody’s teavangelicals didn’t. Here’s Judson Phillips, head of Tea Party Nation, in an email to his constitutional conservative supporters:

A man … claims that in 1999 he and Barack Obama had sex and then smoked crack cocaine. This is 1999, nine years before Obama would run for President.

Crack cocaine is very addictive. It is very destructive. Addiction specialist will tell you that a crack addiction is very tough to break.

Does that sound like the raving of some “far-right” group to you?

Phillips also says “Americans should be demanding” Obama’s full transcripts from Columbia and Harvard. “How did he get in?” Phillips demands to know.

It has to be Phillips’ deep faith and abiding concern for the Constitution that compels him to wonder how this uppity man managed to steal some God-fearing white student’s place at that prestigious university. What other motive could he possibly have?

Meanwhile, among the teavangelicals in New Mexico:

The Las Cruces Tea Party circulated a signed statement among its members that the Confederate flag was included on the parade float because …

Because why else? Because of the Constitution.

They’re simply constitutional conservatives. What better way to demonstrate one’s commitment to the Constitution than to fly the flag of a treasonous breakaway faction that declared war on that document? It was treason in defense of slavery — but that slavery was, after all, constitutional.

Arizona teavangelicals are demonstrating this same fighting spirit in seeking a recall of Republican Sen. John McCain after the former Republican presidential nominee denounced conspiracy theories about State Department aide Huma Abedin.

Wes Harris, the founder and chairman of the Original North Phoenix Tea Party, spoke to the Arizona Capitol Times, calling McCain an “embarrassment” and saying, “Go to hell, Senator, it’s time for you to take your final dirt nap.”

That’s good teavangelical values, right there. None of that namby-pamby, latte-sipping, Rob-Bell wishy-washiness about Hell. When a Muslim-loving sinner like McCain takes his “final dirt nap” — as Harris hopes the senator does soon! — that sinner will “Go to hell.” Again, it’s right there in the Bible. Somewhere. (Probably right near that verse on abortion.)

Harris had more to say:

“Anyone that is a Muslim is a threat to this country, and that’s a fact,” Harris told the Times. “There is no such thing as a moderate Muslim. If they are Muslim they have to follow the Quran. That’s their religion and that’s their doctrine.”

According to the Times, Harris believes Muslims are incapable of being loyal to the U.S., because he claims that their faith in Islam and the Quran trumps any other allegiance. He also apparently believes Muslims shouldn’t be able to serve in the State Department at all.

“Is [Abedin] a Muslim? Is she an active Muslim?” Harris asked the Times. “I rest my case. That’s all she needs to be.”

David Brody must be very pleased with this non-at-all far-right teavangelical perspective. Harris is just a constitutional conservative — that’s why he’s discussing a religious test for public office, a topic discussed right there in the Constitution.

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  • Indeed. Hell, I used to be about as workingest as you can get in today’s economy: I once actually worked in a factory. Forrealz.

    And I’m still about as lumpen as you can get for the proletariat. :P

  • Tybult

    This is some awesome Comment Dada. It’s like you’re channeling the spirit of Horse_ebooks.

  • Tybult

    Yeah, it’s pretty horrendous. Did you catch the Great Comment Mashup on Wednesday?

  • Tybult

    But Salon already covers that, in depth. It’s like tacking an omelet bar onto the end of a Chinese buffet – it’s unnecessary, and a little gross.

  • Not even good fanfic. He’s obviously ripping off the Ted Haggard scandal. 

  • W33B33 weebee

     You wanna see wierd Obama, check this out.


    My personal favorite is the “Obomba” one. You could probably get away with writing fanfic about these, just like I think you can write about the David Bowie in the Venture Brothers.

  • Tricksterson

    But, but tat’s Christians and the Bible, Not devil worshipers and their Hell Book!

  • Tricksterson

    Why didn’t he just say it was done by evil fairies?

  • Tricksterson

    How do you tell someones a newbie to these boards?  They think it’s possible to be too sarcastic here.

  • Baby_Raptor

    I think that’s the point, good sir. they WANT to paint Liberals as bad. 

    Though if drinking lattes makes me a bad person, I *might* be boned…

  • Lori

    No, I missed it. Honestly, the site is both so ugly and so frequently annoying to me that I rarely go there any more.

    I’m not usually really driven by the aesthetics of a site, but Salon now just seems so aggressive, deliberately ugly that I causes me pain. Throw in the fact that they persist in publishing examples of the First World Problems genre of whinging that makes me itch and the fact that I’ve grown sort of frustrated with Greenwald even when I agree with him, and I just don’t go there like I did at one time.

  • Tricksterson

    They had me at Barack the Barbarian

  • Wait, lemme figure that last bit out…

    I don’t believe them because the policies they endorse are so <rooted in such <primitive exclusivist and insular instincts >>, that is clearly widespread enough that frankly, it’s clear that has so atrophied that it has caused <possibly permanent truncation of the ability to <engage the kind of really, truly hard thinking that allows >>.

    Think that’s right. Let’s see if the structure still works…

    I don’t believe them because the policies they endorse are so <rooted in such >, that is clearly widespread enough that frankly, it’s clear that has so atrophied that it has caused .

    OK, I guess I’ve diagrammed it right. Oy. As a wise woman once said, sentences are not minivans. -_-

  • The “Not X” thing again, then?

  •  Precisely.

  • reynard61

    “Anyone that is a Muslim is a threat to this country, and that’s a fact,” Harris told the Times. “There is no such thing as a moderate Muslim. If they are Muslim they have to follow the Quran. That’s their religion and that’s their doctrine.”

    Well gee, Wes; while I help you drag out your fainting couch and clutching pearls, let’s try a little something here: “Anyone that is a Christian is a threat to this country, and that’s a fact (…) There is no such thing as a moderate Christian. If they are a Christian they have to follow the Bible. That’s their religion and that’s their doctrine.”

    How’s *THAT* sound? Got your persecutiongasm on yet?

  • Turcano

    “By the way, that’s the first time McCain has appeared since the beginning of the comic … which means that he spent the rest of the evening just standing there. Watching.”

  • Tricksterson

    The difference being that the first is how he thinks things are and the second being the way things should be wuith the difference being that Christians aren’t a threat to the US because they’re the only legitimate representatives of same.

  • Now now, that isn’t fair.  The Supreme Court didn’t SUPPORT health care, they just said that it wasn’t a violation of the constitution.  Which is even better; histrionics by way of damning by faint praise.

  • I thought it was straightforward enough (-_-);;

  • W33B33 weebee

     stepping back a bit to that thing you tried to diagram from Invisible Neutrino, I’m not too proud to admit it. I have absolutely no idea what that block of text ment.

    To quote a great…. er, good… er, all right man, can I have that in “Captain Dummy talk”?

  • PJ Evans

     Actually, what they said was that the insurance-purchase mandate wasn’t unconstitutional.

  • I suspect Shay Guy was trying to work out if the logical train of thought expressed in my sentence made sense.

  • Lessee….

    America’s gotten too stupid to tell reality and wild exaggeration apart. He can tell because way too many Americans will swallow any reason to indulge obsolete Us-Versus-Them instincts. And he can tell that because the policies they endorse are very thoroughly rooted in those instincts.

    Did I get that right, Neutrino?

  • Well, not all Americans, to be sure.

    But when you get those who gladly accept not banning dogfighting because OMGPEDOPHILES – well… gotta wonder.

  • W33B33 weebee

    Thanks, guys. That was admirable Captain Dummy Talk. Kaylee would be proud.

    Sorry Neutrino, it was just for some reason I couldn’t wrap my head around the original comment.

  • AnonymousSam

    Let alone those who accept OMGPEDOPHILES without noting that the rep apparently didn’t think said act of pedophilia was actually illegal… ._. That scares me. That’s not some obscure technical law. If discovering that pedophilia and statutory rape are illegal in the US comes as a surprise to an adult, much less an elected representative, then something has gone horribly wrong and I genuinely fear for young ones anywhere near him.

  • The thing I found absolutely absurd was the whole “He’ll abduct your kid and then secretly return her all so you never even notice!” thing.


  • CharleMartel

    What you don’t seem to understand is that no one cares what you say. It’s no secret that all media is blatantly leftist. The more you talk bad about the right and “teavangelicals” as you condescendingly call them, the stronger and stronger they get. It’s kinda like the incredible hulk, the angrier he gets the larger and more powerful he gets. Good luck reigning in the fringe by talking down to them, it’s seems to be working (implied sarcasm)

  •  Do you consider your own tone here an example of the kind of rage-inducing condescension you’re criticizing, or an alternative to it?