As I wait kneeling in the dark, musty confessional for the priest to slide back the screen separating his side of the “sin bin” to mine, I go over one more time my list of venial and possibly “mortal” sins. It’s the liturgical season of Lent; I’m a dutiful and devout Catholic teenager: and I’m in the “sin bin” to wipe the slate clean.
As I’m stumbling through my ‘list’ of offenses and come to the “harboring impure thoughts”one (a usual suspect on my list), he brusquely interrupts me with the question, “Did you commit the sin of self-abuse?”
A loaded question that ignites an explosion of interior confusion and alarm in my consciousness, as I attempt to unravel what the heck he means. I am not a cutter or into any form of masochism. Then the penny drops. Am I a wanker? Irish schoolboy slang for a lad who masturbates.
“Emm . . . no Father,” I haltingly reply. And the ritual draws to its conclusion – grace of absolution and all.
Awash in Self-Pleasuring
Very few folks these days, Catholic or otherwise, pay much attention to the parochial, prudish teaching of the Catholic Church on the ‘sin’ of masturbation. It seems to me that it has died a natural death of sorts – for the most part.
The Internet these days is awash with tips and videos on the latest techniques (for him & her) on the art of self-pleasuring. And rightly so as more mature adults reclaim and discover the intrinsic and sacred beauty of their bodies and erotic energies.
However, books on the art of self-pleasuring were not available at the seminary I attended some years ago. And the faculty had its reasons for this.
The dangers of disordered behavior
The gist of what we were told at the seminary on masturbation was this: it was a morally aberrant act because it constituting having sex with yourself and was therefore contrary to its divinely ordained intention: the transmission of semen in the loving act of procreation. Secondly, it was ill-advised because it normally involved fantasizing of some kind and well . . . that’s wasn’t good or healthy either because you were disconnecting yourself from the intimacy of a real relationship.
Finally, it was discouraged at the seminary because of the danger of it leading to compulsive, addictive, and disordered behavior. Admittedly, this one had some merit.
Whitehead & Whitehead
In their award-winning work, A Sense of Sexuality: Christian Love and Intimacy, Evelyn and James Whitehead situate the act of self-pleasuring in the context of adolescent development and self-discovery. Their one caveat here is the danger of delaying at this stage of development in a way that stunts sexual maturity and damages the social and relational aspects of sexual intimacy.
Overall, they consider the act of masturbation as one way of developing a healthy and integrated relationship with one’s own body, while honoring and reverencing the sacred sexuality of others and creation as a whole.
Conversations with God
If, like me, you’ve read Neale Donald Walsch’s three-volume series, Conversations with God, you will be aware that ‘God’ has a lot to say on the topic of human sexuality.
In one section ‘He’ comments on the ecstatic and spiritual potential of deep lovemaking. ‘He’ recommends that, as a foreplay to the deepest and most passionate intimacy a couple can have, their first move should be to take the time to self-pleasure each other. This way they release themselves of the overriding desire for fast orgasm; then they can relax into a more prolonged (Tantric style) period of intimacy . . eventually climaxing in a kind of holy orgasm.
Interesting take by ‘God’ here . .
Wrap Up
Like the Whiteheads, I view any act of bodily self-pleasuring as needing the ‘home’ of peaceful and grace-filled body awareness. Of situating itself in a spirit of communion with one’s own sexual energy and the natural erotic energy that suffuses the very core of evolutionary consciousness: the laws of attraction, bonding, and repulsion that have fueled the fires of creation from the very beginning.
Comments welcome. And thanks for reading my makeshift musings on this subject!
Cover Photo: Pixabay
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