Hi Terry,
I’ve been a single mom for four years and I have two wonderful teenage boys. My problem is that I’m always tired and can’t seem to catch a break. I am in graduate school studying special education and I teach full-time. Things get pretty hectic and my boys need help with homework and rides to soccer practice. So with cooking meals, paying bills and sleep, there isn’t much time left for me.
I asked my ex to help out by taking our sons on weekends but he said that the current schedule of every other weekend works better for him because his wife just had a new baby and he has a demanding job that requires some travel. I have some family but everyone is busy. I’d love to know the secret to carving out time for me without making my boys feel rejected.
Best,
Chelsea
Dear Chelsea,
Keep in mind that you’re not alone. Parenting can be a challenge, especially after divorce when many people struggle with working extra hours to pay the bills and legal fees. Parenting through and after divorce takes enormous focus and a continuous need for compassion, both for yourself and your children. If you take it day by day, you will find the strength and courage to take time to nurture yourself so you don’t get burnt out.
It’s essential to take good care of yourself after divorce and try not to look back too much. Your children will model their behavior after you. It’s a good idea to express a wide range of emotions in front of your children but keep in mind that they might feel overwhelmed or try to solve your problems if you are not coping well.
So get the help you need to reinvent yourself, make new friends, and relax a little every day. Share your struggles with a caring friend or a compassionate counselor who specializes in divorce issues or personal growth. If you feel alone, try joining a support group for divorced moms and/or start blogging.
Taking good care of yourself means not always putting others needs before your own. It also means that you get in touch with your inner core and find out what is meaningful in your life. Start exploring today. For instance, after my divorce, I joined a hiking club because I always wanted to hike while enjoying the company of others. This was a wonderful way to get exercise and meet other people. We even went on overnight trips with our children and many of the parents were single and raising kids on their own.
According to divorce expert Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, “And keep this in mind: Sometimes all you need is to take care of yourself for a day – and you’ll have the clearer perspective you need to make sound decisions on behalf of your children. Whether you’re a divorced co-parent or single parent, remember your first obligation is to parent yourself with loving compassion. Your family will thank you!”
Twitter, Facebook, and, movingpastdivorce.com. Terry’s award winning book Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship is available on her website.
I’d love to hear from you and answer your questions about relationships, divorce, marriage, and remarriage. Please ask a question here. Thanks! Terry
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