What are some of the aspects of being a stepfather that make it a rewarding experience? In an effort to find out more, I conducted in-depth interviews of two stepfathers about their take on taking on this role and will share a several of their insights with you. In my effort to celebrate stepfathers this Father’s Day, I will highlight two stepfathers, Leonard and Harold. They are devoted to their wives and stepchildren in spite of many struggles through the... Read more
When a marriage ends because our partner leaves or betrays us, it’s natural to experience feelings of rejection. When we are left, it can be a devastating experience and it can leave us feeling angry, sad, and self-critical – at times ruminating about what went wrong. We may be in shock and feel shaken to the core of our being. Self-defeating thoughts can grab hold because we are vulnerable and trying to make sense of things. However, it’s important to... Read more
Studies show that conflict is what creates the most pain and anguish for children after parents’ split, and that keeping parental disagreements to a minimum is a key aspect of helping kids become resilient. Over the last few decades, research by child development experts has demonstrated numerous benefits to children when their living arrangements enable support from both parents. One reason is that parents who co-parent tend to experience lower conflict than those who have sole custody arrangements. However, very... Read more
Approximately 1 in 5 Americans suffer from some form of anxiety disorder. Statistically, women are more likely to suffer from anxiety than men. The internet is full of advice and articles for how to cope with anxiety, but not as much is written about how to aid the partners of anxious people. Being in a relationship with someone who suffers from an anxiety disorder can be exhausting. If you are the partner of an anxious person, you know that reassuring... Read more
As a marriage counselor, I’ve witnessed firsthand the benefits of my clients learning to manage conflict, developing new skills for enhancing their relationship, and restoring broken trust. This is what can happen with the support of a skilled therapist. However, not all couples have a positive outcome when they seek marriage counseling. Some couples seek help for their marriage problems too late, and others are not willing to put much effort in to improving communication between sessions. For instance, Jen,... Read more
For years, I struggled to save my second marriage from the brink of divorce because I bought into many myths about remarriage. However, I was determined to beat the odds and avoid a second divorce so I began to explore some of the myths and unrealistic expectations that cause me to feel pessimistic and unhappy with my marriage. While many couples see remarriage as a second chance at happiness, the statistics tell a different story. According to available census data,... Read more
The teenage years can be rewarding, yet challenging for both teens and their parents. Helping your child to make a smooth transition to becoming a more independent and successful person can be complex in a divorced family. It’s important to recognize the difference between normal and problematic behavior so you can help your teenager develop coping skills, become more resilient, and to minimize any long-term negative effects from your divorce. Above all, do not put your head in the sand!... Read more
Being vulnerable means being authentic and being able to risk expressing your thoughts, feelings, and wishes. It means you are in control of yourself, not the relationship. Many people complain that they aren’t getting their needs met in an intimate relationship, but they don’t feel comfortable sharing their desires. Or, they fail to make requests in a positive, non-blameful way to begin with. Before you can begin to build successful relationships, you must have healthy self-esteem – which means believing in... Read more
While many couples see remarriage as an opportunity to start fresh start and a new chance at happiness, the statistics reveal a different story with the divorce rate for second marriages being 60-67% compared to about 50% for first marriages. Why is this so? There are many reasons and most of them involve blending people from two separate worlds and adding children to the mix. Add to this financial stress, differences in childrearing and discipline, the stepparent’s role, loyalty issues,... Read more
Since my divorce, I’ve learned a lot of lessons about marriage. I firmly believe that it is essential to examine your part in your marriage problems or divorce in order to be successful in subsequent relationships. If you don’t take the time to do this, you’ll be at risk for repeating negative patterns. In other words, making the effort to reflect on your mistakes (we all have flaws) will pay off in future relationships and make your divorce a positive... Read more
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