Elena, 48, and Jason, 52, have been married fifteen years and came to counseling to improve their communication and to stop bickering. Like many couples who I counsel, I asked them both what worked in their marriage and what areas need to be “worked on.” Elena put it like this, “I know Jason works hard and is a good provider but he doesn’t pay enough attention to me. I think he takes me for granted and I feel lonely.” Jason... Read more
When Kevin, 42, and Melissa, 43, attended their first counseling session, they spoke about the lack of connection between them. Sitting on opposite ends of the sofa, they avoided eye contact and seemed hesitant to share their perspective. Kevin put it like this, “Melissa and I have been married ten years and we still have not decided if we are going to have kids because we’re more like roommates than lovers or romantic partners. Part of the problem is that... Read more
The media and technology use of children and adolescents has risen dramatically in the last decade. The dilemma for parents today is how to be a good digital mentor and how to limit their child’s use when smart phones and other electronic devices have become increasingly popular. While most experts agree that excessive use, especially watching violence on TV and playing violent video games, is harmful to children, many parents question how much technology use is too much and how... Read more
It’s common for married couples to complain of leading busy lives and not feeling energized enough to have sex at the end of a long day. The causes of stress for couples include increasing workloads, financial pressures, lack of trust and insecurity, and growing conflicts within their relationship. Most of the couples I’ve counseled also described how extreme fatigue negatively impacted both the frequency and quality of their sex lives. In fact, in Come As You Are, sex researcher Emily... Read more
Many of the individuals that seek counseling from my practice report that they lack trust in their partners. Maria, age 38, sat on the sofa in my office and spoke about feeling leery that Jason, 40, had her best interests at heart and she said she’s lost confidence in his intentions. Generally, Jason is dependable but lately Maria doesn’t feel she can always count on him. Maria put it like this, “I love Jason but he doesn’t always follow through... Read more
Many of my clients sit down in my office and complain that they are stuck in a rut. It may not be full blown depression, but they just can’t find pleasure in day-to-day activities, their job, or their relationships. Kelly, 43, is a teacher and she’s married with two teenagers. She often says that she wants to feel better but doesn’t know where to start. Kelly put it like this: “I’m not really old enough for a mid-life crisis but... Read more
If you approach dating thoughtfully after your divorce and consider your children’s needs, it will pay off in the long run. Your kids may feel a mixed bag of emotions about you dating and even harbor fantasies that you will reconcile with your ex-spouse. This might make it a challenge for them to accept someone you are dating into their lives. As a result, it’s crucial to take it slow so you can assess whether your new romantic relationship is... Read more
Women, and especially daughters of divorce, can put undue pressure on themselves to find the right partner, marry, and develop a happy home life. But if they possess this goal, it can present many problems. For the most part, women from divorced homes don’t have a healthy template to follow when it comes to nurturing and sustaining a committed relationship, making it difficult for them to know where to start. The following lessons were derived from my own experience and... Read more
On of the most common complaints that I hear from couples in my office, especially women, is that their partner doesn’t listen to them. For instance, Karen, age 40, has been married to Derek, age 42, for a decade and they bicker often due to poor communication skills and defensiveness on both of their parts. Karen put it like this, “I don’t know what to do to get Derek to listen to me. We’re considering moving, and he keeps searching... Read more
Many parents worry that they don’t have the skills to raise a child who is emotionally intelligent. However, being a parent who teaches by example and uses emotional coaching are gifts that all parents can give their kids. It starts early, with using language that includes emotions, such as saying to a child who is crying, “You seem sad, what is going on?” Children of all ages respond positively to parents who tune into their emotions and validate them. Parents... Read more
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