How to Be Vulnerable and Express Your Needs

Last updated on: April 13, 2025 at 3:58 pm By Terry Gaspard

Being vulnerable means being authentic and being able to risk expressing your thoughts, feelings, and wishes. It means you are in control of yourself, not the relationship. Many people complain that they aren’t getting their needs met in an intimate relationship, but they don’t feel comfortable sharing their desires. Or, they fail to make requests in a positive, non-blameful way to begin with. Before you can begin to build successful relationships, you must have healthy self-esteem – which means believing in... Read more

What are the Secrets to a Happy Second Marriage?

Last updated on: April 6, 2025 at 8:11 pm By Terry Gaspard

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While many couples see remarriage as an opportunity to start fresh start and a new chance at happiness, the statistics reveal a different story with the divorce rate for second marriages being 60-67% compared to about 50% for first marriages. Why is this so? There are many reasons and most of them involve blending people from two separate worlds and adding children to the mix. Add to this financial stress, differences in childrearing and discipline, the stepparent’s role, loyalty issues,... Read more

8 Lessons I’ve Learned About Marriage to Prevent Divorce

Last updated on: April 6, 2025 at 8:02 pm By Terry Gaspard

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Since my divorce, I’ve learned a lot of lessons about marriage. I firmly believe that it is essential to examine your part in your marriage problems or divorce in order to be successful in subsequent relationships. If you don’t take the time to do this, you’ll be at risk for repeating negative patterns. In other words, making the effort to reflect on your mistakes (we all have flaws) will pay off in future relationships and make your divorce a positive... Read more

How to Prevent Resentment from Destroying Your Marriage

Last updated on: March 23, 2025 at 7:57 pm By Terry Gaspard

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Karen, age 48, had been married to Kyle, 50, for five years when she found several letters from his former live-in girlfriend in his dresser drawer when she was putting away his clean clothes. She reflects, “I wasn’t looking for trouble but it presented itself to me and our marriage went sideways after that. I was so angry, jealous and fearful of Kyle leaving that I shut him out and wouldn’t listen to his side of the story.” One of... Read more

How Managing Conflict Can Help Couples Thrive

Last updated on: March 16, 2025 at 7:58 pm By Terry Gaspard

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Dear Terry, After fourteen-years of marriage, I’m at the end of my rope. My husband, Ryan is gone a lot and even when he’s home, he’s watching sports. It seems like we have the same arguments over and over again. There’s not much joy or love left in our marriage. Mostly, we argue about our kids, Tyler, 6, and Jessica, age 3. Since Ryan gets home late from his job as a store manager, he mostly wants to play with... Read more

Self-Care Doesn’t Mean You’re Being Selfish in Relationships

Last updated on: March 9, 2025 at 2:02 pm By Terry Gaspard

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Karen, 35, sat on the couch near (but not close) to her boyfriend Ron, 36, and talked about her tendency to take care of Ron’s needs at her own expense. Living together for five years, she found herself doing most of the housework and chores, and then resenting it. Karen reflects, “I always wanted a healthier relationship than my parents because my mom was a doormat who took care of my dad, even when she neglected herself. But now I... Read more

5 Smart Ways to Repair Broken Trust

Last updated on: March 2, 2025 at 7:04 pm By Terry Gaspard

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Karen, 48, and Mike, 53, sat on the couch in my office and described their trust issues stemming from a challenging time in their marriage last year. During this time, Karen had been confiding with a male co-worker about their problems. When Mike found out about it from reading a text , he became angry and mistrustful of Karen. She took responsibility for her emotional infidelity and their process of healing began. Karen puts it like this, “We’re starting couples... Read more

7 Ways to Rid Yourself of Jealous Feelings

Last updated on: February 23, 2025 at 2:12 pm By Terry Gaspard

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Establishing and maintaining trust with your partner can be a huge challenge if you’re prone towards jealous feelings. There are many reasons why you might experience jealousy including past betrayals, insecurity, and fear of losing love. The first step in overcoming jealousy is self-awareness. These feelings won’t magically disappear and they can spell disaster for your intimate relationship. Jealousy is the polar opposite of trusting someone. Taking ownership of your jealous feelings will allow you to face them head... Read more

How Do I Manage Ongoing Arguments with My Spouse?

Last updated on: February 16, 2025 at 9:16 pm By Terry Gaspard

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Jenny, 42, and Sam, 43, sit on the couch in my office and discuss their disputes about their two young children, chores, and finances. Sam says, “it seems like I can never do enough to please Jenny. She wants me to do more chores, make more money, and buy her a bigger house. Meanwhile, she took five years off from teaching to have our kids and our income was cut in half. I am glad she’s been able to raise... Read more

How Do I Overcome the Legacy of Divorce?

Last updated on: February 10, 2025 at 8:57 pm By Terry Gaspard

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Do you ever wonder if you’ll get out from under the shadow of your parents’ divorce? Do you worry about repeating the patterns of the past? The challenge of creating and maintaining a healthy, long-lasting relationship is where your parents fell short. But you have an opportunity to learn from their mistakes and build the kind of relationship that eluded your parents. There are many reasons why adults raised in divorced homes get stuck in the past and have... Read more