Despite the fact that money problems are the number one subjects couples argue about and a leading cause of divorce, there are few studies that address the issue of financial secrecy or financial infidelity. The reason why many people keep secrets about money is fear of being abandoned, shame, and fear of being vulnerable due to past betrayal by a parent or partner. Learning how to have productive, low-conflict discussions about money is essential to handling finances in a healthy… Read more
August 2, 2019
4 Ways to Be More Transparent About Money with Your Partner
August 2, 2019 By Terry Gaspard
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July 26, 2019
The Pro’s and Cons of Trial Separation
July 26, 2019 By Terry Gaspard
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In a recent marriage.com article, the pros, cons and positive potential of trial separations in marriages in turmoil is explored. The traditional view of trial separations is that making the decision to create space, or “take time off,” in a marriage is the first of a number of steps on the road to divorce. But increasingly, the initially counterintuitive notion that couples consciously creating distance can actually save a relationship, is being explored. In her article, Kelli Hastings, LCSW delves… Read more
July 19, 2019
How to Know When It’s Time to Go … To Couples’ Counseling
July 19, 2019 By Terry Gaspard
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You’ve heard the timeworn — and so often true — cliche: marriage is work. No matter how strong a marriage or remarriage is, couples often encounter a common set of conflicts. Whether early in a new marriage, or after years together, these universal issues tend to revolve around communication, or a lack thereof. In a recent article for the Cleveland Clinic, Dr. Adam Borland explains the five most prevalent marital problems and suggests that the solution is as universal as… Read more
July 12, 2019
It’s Not Too Late to Heal Your Father-Daughter Wound After Divorce
July 12, 2019 By Terry Gaspard
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All girls deserve to have a positive relationship with their father but this relationship can be strained after divorce. Girls and young women stand a better chance of becoming a self-confident woman if they have a close connection with their father. A dad’s presence (or lack of presence) in his daughter’s life will affect how she relates to all men who come after him. My research for my book, Daughters of Divorce, spanned over three years and was comprised of over… Read more
July 6, 2019
Are You Headed for a Grey Divorce?
July 6, 2019 By Terry Gaspard
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In recent years, there has been a lot of traction on the web about grey divorce. If you are over age 50 and have been married for a few decades, the media might have you questioning if your marriage is in on the rocks and you may not even realize it. The Pew Research Center’s report, “Led by Baby Boomers, Divorce Rates Climb for America’s 50+ Population” paints a worrisome portrait of marriage over 50 since they claim that the… Read more
July 2, 2019
How to Learn From Your Past and Create Healthier Relationships
July 2, 2019 By Terry Gaspard
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When we get close to someone new, it can bring unresolved issues from our past to the surface. Suddenly, we’re very cognizant of the very things that we might want to avoid dealing with, like pains from a past breakup. Over and over again, I’ve seen relationships sabotaged or crumble apart because one or both partners are unaware that they bring a backlog of hurts, fears, and ambivalence from their past into present interactions. The first step in getting out… Read more
June 28, 2019
Managing Conflict With Your Partner In a Healthy Way is Hard Work – But Well Worth the Effort.
June 28, 2019 By Terry Gaspard
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The healthiest intimate relationships are ones born out of trust and vulnerability. Each partner approaches one another as an equal. Many of the couples that I counsel can do this for short periods of time, but get defensive, throw in the towel, and either blame each other or withdraw after a while. So why is it so hard to maintain a blissful state of love with a partner over time? The following tips designed to manage and repair conflicts may be a starting… Read more
June 26, 2019
How to Make Your Marriage a Priority
June 26, 2019 By Terry Gaspard
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Alexis, 38, and her husband David, 39, have been struggling to find time together for some time with limited success. The both have busy careers and three active children under the age of ten. When a problem arises in their home, they tend to point the finger at each other. Alexis put it like this: “Our relationship always seems to be put on the back burner between household chores and the kids soccer games, and community events. We’re starting to drift… Read more
June 21, 2019
The New Norms in Post-Divorce Dating
June 21, 2019 By Terry Gaspard
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In previous blog posts, I’ve looked at the impact that social media and app-based dating has on long-term success in relationships, but in her recent article in Divorce Magazine, Wendi Schuller has added a new wrinkle to the equation. While it’s certainly the case that dating patterns of millennials have changed with the rise of services like Tinder, Schuller looks specifically at how those same apps have affected older people searching for companionship on the other side of a divorce. In her analysis, Schuller… Read more
June 19, 2019
Focus on Changing Yourself, Not Your Partner To Find Lasting Love
June 19, 2019 By Terry Gaspard
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What makes for a happy, fulfilled relationship? While this is a complex question that doesn’t lend itself to a quick answer, there are aspects of successful and lasting relationships that have been studied by experts and many approaches to pick from. The good news is that if you are in a relatively happy relationship, there are some simple things you can do – positive behaviors – that can make your relationship better. While I believe it’s important to be vulnerable with your… Read more
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