How can you break the pattern of bitter disputes that can lead to the breakup of a marriage? This is a question that couples often ask me. For instance, Monica, 46, and Jeffrey, 48, seem to have the same intense disputes over and over again and they usually involve their two sons, ages 10 and 12, and how to discipline them. They rarely show appreciation and love for each other and are considering divorce. According to Dr. John Gottman, many… Read more
July 5, 2020
My Marriage is a Battleground: How Can We Stop Arguing So Much?
July 5, 2020 By Terry Gaspard
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June 28, 2020
The Silent Suffering of Emotional Withholding
June 28, 2020 By Terry Gaspard
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We’ve long understood the pain and perils of relationships characterized by physical and emotional abuse. The toxic and often tragic consequences of abuse between couples are as wide ranging as they are reprehensible. However, there is another kind of abuse, often obscured and unseen, that wreaks havoc on relationships and leaves dissatisfaction, distress, and divorce in its wake. In a recent article for The Good Men Project, Thomas G. Fiffer explores the silent suffering of those in unhealthy and unloving… Read more
June 21, 2020
Happy Father’s Day to Divorced Dads
June 21, 2020 By Terry Gaspard
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In my opinion, Father’s Day is a great time to reflect on the support that dads provide to their children following divorce. The media often portrays a demeaning image of divorced fathers. The typical divorced dad comes across as self-centered and irresponsible. When was the last time you watched a movie or saw at television show about a loving and reliable divorced father who was in touch with the needs of his kids? Fathers and children suffer from assuming the… Read more
June 14, 2020
8 Rules for Effective Family Meetings During COVID-19
June 14, 2020 By Terry Gaspard
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While not an original concept, a family meeting can take on new meaning during COVID-19 when family members are sharing spaces and trying to work and spend leisure time at home. Patience can be in short supply when families have concerns about health, money, lack of childcare, and limited resources. Family meetings can be useful to plan events and to hash out new roles, rules and problems that exist between family members. For the most part, a family meeting is… Read more
June 6, 2020
10 Parenting Blunders and What I Learned From Them
June 6, 2020 By Terry Gaspard
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When I was a young parent, I was very concerned about getting enough rest and finding time to work and take care of my children. Squeezing in time to spend with my children between work commitments and household chores was a major achievement. and it often seemed like there were never enough hours in the day to juggle all the tasks and joyful aspects of being a parent. However, once all three of my children reached high school, I came… Read more
May 31, 2020
7 Smart Ways Women Can Build Trust in Relationships
May 31, 2020 By Terry Gaspard
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In The Normal Bar study, the authors collected groundbreaking data from 70,000 participants internationally and found that only 39% of women in their sample (compared to 53% of men) completely trust their partners. The authors ask: What’s wrong with this picture? Why are women more mistrustful than men? The answer may lie in what can be labeled insecurity or a lack of self-trust. One of the hardest things about trusting someone is learning to have confidence in your own judgment. Trust is… Read more
May 24, 2020
6 Effective Ways to Apologize to Your Partner
May 24, 2020 By Terry Gaspard
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Studies show that apologizing to your partner for hurting their feelings and granting forgiveness are crucial to the success of an intimate relationship or marriage. It’s essential that couples learn the value of sincere apologies and forgiveness. For instance, one of my clients, Lauren, 36, had been feeling resentment toward Kevin, 38, for several months since he loaned his sister money without consulting her. Even when Kevin gave Lauren a sincere apology and asked for forgiveness, she had been holding… Read more
May 16, 2020
4 Things to Consider When Expressing Your Needs to Your Partner
May 16, 2020 By Terry Gaspard
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Many couples come to my office for counseling looking for advice about how to express their needs effectively to their partner. For good reason, they often express frustration about not getting their needs met. For instance, Alison was tired of asking Steve to get off of his X Box and go for a walk with her, and to help cook dinner for their family. She had tried many tactics but nothing had worked so far. More importantly, Steve didn’t seem… Read more
May 9, 2020
Mother’s Day: Reflections on Mothers and Daughters
May 9, 2020 By Terry Gaspard
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Being a mom has always felt like an honor, a gift – something to feel proud of! However, no one prepared me for how much my relationship with my daughters would change as they matured. Too much closeness, misunderstandings, love, and conflicts – there are many ways to describe the mother-daughter relationship and not a lot of research to draw from. Truth be told, I’ve always felt overly responsible for my daughters happiness and sense of self worth. Perhaps it’s… Read more
May 3, 2020
6 Warning Signs That Your Marriage is in Serious Trouble
May 3, 2020 By Terry Gaspard
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A healthy, intimate relationship is built on trust and vulnerability which involves sharing your innermost feelings, thoughts, and wishes. It’s important to remember that all couples have perpetual problems. In a healthy relationship, you can develop tools to deal with them, but not necessarily solve all of them. However, sweeping issues under the rug only works for so long. Because when couples have deep-seated resentment, it’s one of the signs your relationship is over and it can be a challenge for… Read more
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