In a culture where girls are barraged with inappropriate images of what it means to be a female, it’s no wonder that bringing up girls with a healthy dose of self-esteem can be a daunting task. This is especially true after they experience parental divorce. Studies show that girls tend to define themselves through relationships and are socialized to be nurturers and caretakers from an early age. Fostering your daughter’s self-esteem and healing after their parents’ divorce is a top... Read more
Unfortunately, it’s easy to overlook someone’s faults in the early stage of a relationship. Infatuation and chemistry can prevent us from seeing red flags even if they seem obvious to others. We might fall in love quickly because it feels good to be desired and fail to ask crucial questions about a person’s values, interests, and character. Who we choose to commit to is one of the most important and costliest decisions a person will make, yet it’s not uncommon... Read more
In recent article for The Gottman Institute’s blog, Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart offers readers advice on how to disrupt the negative patterns so many people easily fall into. Approaching the subject from a psychological perspective, she analyzes the ways in which we learn — that is to say the ways in which we are conditioned to fall into transgressive cyclical behaviors that reinforce themselves over time. Dr. Lockhart’s essential belief is that negative learned behaviors are just as easy to... Read more
A national survey found that 84% of women and 82% of men in the US crave commitment and report that being married someday is “very” or “somewhat” important to them. That said, many people seek lasting commitment, often in the form of marriage. This can be a healthy desire if we bring realistic expectations to it. But many adults don’t have a healthy template of marriage to follow when it comes to nurturing and sustaining a committed relationship, making it... Read more
We’ve all been there: the day-to-day routine with our partner falls into a pattern of conflict, and fighting seems inevitable. When the central relationship in our lives feels fraught and a fight looms around every corner, our emotional health and our other, non-romantic relationships suffer. In a recent article for his website, Kyle Benson draws on relationship experts and authors like Dr. John Gottman and Dan Wile, formulating a sensible approach to conflict resolution that’s both pragmatic and possible. Indeed,... Read more
When Maria, 37, and Jeff, 38, came to our first session for counseling they both complained about a lack of feeling connected with each other and said they were drifting apart. As they talked, it became apparent that they both spend an excessive amount of time on their computers between work and leisure time. Maria put it like this, “Jeff and I barely talk anymore. We both work at home online and it seems like we’re always on our... Read more
When Maria, forty-nine, and Ethan, fifty-five, sat on the couch in my counseling office, they spoke about the stress that they experience when discussing money-related issues. Since Maria was laid off from her job, six months ago, they’re having more difficulty paying for their mortgage, household expenses, and both essential and discretionary items for themselves and their two daughters, ages ten and twelve. Maria laments, “I’ve been searching for jobs but have not not been able to land one yet.... Read more
We’ve all been there: embroiled in an argument with our partner, caught up in emotion, and perhaps most crucially, unsure of how something seemingly small escalated. The touchy topic of who’s “right” and who’s “wrong” in a conflict between a couple often misses the point and prevents partners from moving beyond the spat in a constructive way that provides tools helpful in avoiding future quarrels. For instance, Alyssa, 35, and Rick, 36, are caught up in an ongoing cycle of... Read more
Unfortunately, it’s easy to overlook someone’s faults in the early stage of a relationship. Infatuation and chemistry can prevent us from seeing red flags even if they seem obvious to others. We might fall in love quickly because it feels good to be desired and fail to ask crucial questions about a person’s values, interests, and character. Who we choose to commit to is one of the most important and costliest decisions a person will make, yet it’s not uncommon... Read more
In many ways, relationships are ruled by the routines partners establish for themselves. These patterns create a dynamic and a good, healthy partnership, or can subvert a couple’s chances at happiness and longevity. When I interview couples in my practice during couples counseling sessions, most of them complain about toxic patterns of bickering and criticizing each other. Unfortunately, these patterns often lead to withdrawal and can threaten the stability of their union. For instance, Carolyn and Todd have bitter disagreements... Read more
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