Chemistry is such a powerful force that many couples confuse it with compatibility. While chemistry can be a glue that binds couples together early on in a relationship, it can fade over time if partners don’t share core values and maintain mutual respect. That said, it’s possible to have both chemistry and compatibility with someone. Chemistry can be defined as both a physical and mental attraction to someone and it causes you to feel passionate and alive. You look forward... Read more
Over the last two decades since my divorce, I’ve come to the conclusion that my first marriage didn’t fail – it simply ended due to incompatibility and our difficulties resolving ongoing conflicts. Throughout my journey from an unhappy first marriage to a healthier second marriage, I’ve examined my first marriage from every angle – dissecting every reason why it didn’t work. I also took my time to decide the kind of second marriage that would work for me and made a... Read more
What are some of the aspects of being a stepfather that make it a rewarding experience? In an effort to find out more, I conducted in-depth interviews of two stepfathers about their take on taking on this role and will share a several of their insights with you. In my effort to celebrate stepfathers this Father’s Day, I will highlight two stepfathers, Leonard and Harold. They are devoted to their wives and stepchildren in spite of many struggles through the... Read more
When a marriage ends because our partner leaves or betrays us, it’s natural to experience feelings of rejection. When we are left, it can be a devastating experience and it can leave us feeling angry, sad, and self-critical – at times ruminating about what went wrong. We may be in shock and feel shaken to the core of our being. Self-defeating thoughts can grab hold because we are vulnerable and trying to make sense of things. However, it’s important to... Read more
Studies show that conflict is what creates the most pain and anguish for children after parents’ split, and that keeping parental disagreements to a minimum is a key aspect of helping kids become resilient. Over the last few decades, research by child development experts has demonstrated numerous benefits to children when their living arrangements enable support from both parents. One reason is that parents who co-parent tend to experience lower conflict than those who have sole custody arrangements. However, very... Read more
Approximately 1 in 5 Americans suffer from some form of anxiety disorder. Statistically, women are more likely to suffer from anxiety than men. The internet is full of advice and articles for how to cope with anxiety, but not as much is written about how to aid the partners of anxious people. Being in a relationship with someone who suffers from an anxiety disorder can be exhausting. If you are the partner of an anxious person, you know that reassuring... Read more
As a marriage counselor, I’ve witnessed firsthand the benefits of my clients learning to manage conflict, developing new skills for enhancing their relationship, and restoring broken trust. This is what can happen with the support of a skilled therapist. However, not all couples have a positive outcome when they seek marriage counseling. Some couples seek help for their marriage problems too late, and others are not willing to put much effort in to improving communication between sessions. For instance, Jen,... Read more
For years, I struggled to save my second marriage from the brink of divorce because I bought into many myths about remarriage. However, I was determined to beat the odds and avoid a second divorce so I began to explore some of the myths and unrealistic expectations that cause me to feel pessimistic and unhappy with my marriage. While many couples see remarriage as a second chance at happiness, the statistics tell a different story. According to available census data,... Read more
The teenage years can be rewarding, yet challenging for both teens and their parents. Helping your child to make a smooth transition to becoming a more independent and successful person can be complex in a divorced family. It’s important to recognize the difference between normal and problematic behavior so you can help your teenager develop coping skills, become more resilient, and to minimize any long-term negative effects from your divorce. Above all, do not put your head in the sand!... Read more
Being vulnerable means being authentic and being able to risk expressing your thoughts, feelings, and wishes. It means you are in control of yourself, not the relationship. Many people complain that they aren’t getting their needs met in an intimate relationship, but they don’t feel comfortable sharing their desires. Or, they fail to make requests in a positive, non-blameful way to begin with. Before you can begin to build successful relationships, you must have healthy self-esteem – which means believing in... Read more
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