Karen, 42, and Kevin, 41, have been married for ten years and have fallen into the habit of bickering about small things and arguing often. On a daily basis, they no longer show appreciation for each other. As a result, their interactions have begun more negative than positive and they both reported to me (in a couples counseling session), that they would like to experience more happiness in their marriage. Perhaps the first step in overcoming this tendency to be... Read more
During a couples counseling session, Becca, 40, and David, 41, discuss their ongoing problem with communication and how they argue about how to discipline their two young children. David reflects: “I love Becca and she’s a great mom but she is too easy going with our kids. She gives in a lot when they want to read an extra book at night, for example, which makes their bedtime too late. She says I don’t understand the value of reading but... Read more
Let’s face it, most couples in second or third marriages face obstacles that those in first ones just don’t. It’s no surprise that while the divorce rate for first marriages hovers around 45 percent, the rate for second marriages is approximately 67 percent. You might wonder why this is, since intuitively we should learn important lessons from our first marriage and carry those into subsequent ones. Most remarried couples have unrealistic expectations and once the romance of dating and early marriage wears off,... Read more
The relationship a daughter has with her father has a profound impact on her life. When parents’ divorce, it often changes the dynamic of the father-daughter relationship – due to less contact – and it can be a challenge to stay connected. For the most part, a good relationship with an intimate partner is strongly tied to your relationship with your dad. Your father’s presence (or lack of presence) in your life will affect how you will relate to all... Read more
Dear Terry, After fourteen-year of marriage, I’m at the end of my rope. My husband, Ryan is gone a lot and even when he’s home, he’s watching sports. It seems like we have the same arguments over and over again. There’s not much joy or love left in our marriage. Mostly, we argue about our kids, Tyler, 6, and Jessica, age 3. Since Ryan gets home late from his job as a store manager, he mostly wants to play with... Read more
What does forgiveness really mean? Forgiving is one way of letting go of your old baggage so that you can heal and move on with your life. It’s about giving yourself, your children, and perhaps even your partner or ex-partner, the kind of future you and they deserve – unhampered by hurt and recycled anger. It’s about choosing to live a life wherein others don’t have power over you and you’re not dominated by unresolved anger, bitterness, and resentment. Many... Read more
In the seemingly never-ending age of social media, many single parents are struggling to maintain a positive relationship with their children and to keep them entertained and mentally stimulated with limited resources and time. While all parents have faced the challenge of adjusting to a “new normal,” many single parents have had to adapt to working from home without a spouse to share responsibilities, not having enough space, and feeling overwhelmed. For instance, Angela, 44, a single parent for four... Read more
A successful marriage is about more than raising kids and paying bills. It is about building a relationship of shared meaning and purpose. One of the most important lessons I’ve learned about marriage, as a couple’s counselor, is that shared meaning is the main ingredient that can help preserve a marriage. Shared meaning is about fostering a relationship that is full of significance and involves setting goals for the future while prioritizing time and resources. It encompasses your legacy as... Read more
When your marriage ends, it’s natural to experience feelings of rejection, anger, sadness, guilt, regret, or even relief. Self-defeating thoughts can seize you because you’re vulnerable and trying to come to terms with the changes that are occurring in your life. However, it’s important to realize that these feelings are a normal part of grieving and letting go after a break-up. Marissa put it like this: “It was a long time coming and a mutual decision to divorce, but it... Read more
Dear Terry, I’ve been married to John for ten years and I’m worried because we’ve lost the passion and loving feelings we used to have. There’s something missing from our marriage and I don’t know how to get it back. Here’s the problem – we’re more like roommates than lovers. We’re hardly ever alone and when we are, we mostly talk about our kids, Jessica and Thomas, who are three and six, and we rarely discuss our relationship or have... Read more
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