By far, this is one of the most commonly asked questions about divorce. The reason why this question is so difficult to answer is because every family is different and one size doesn’t fit all when it comes to divorce. Also, the degree of conflict in a marriage plays a large role in children’s divorce adjustment. Whether parents should stay together for the sake of their children depends to a large degree on the level of stress and disruption in... Read more
Over the last fifty years, there has been a quiet shift in the landscape of family life in America. Approximately 50 percent of adults over age eighteen marry; this number is compared to 72% in 1960, according to The Pew Research Center. The medium age at first marriage has never been higher for brides (26.5 years) and grooms (28.7years) according to this report. Some think this decline is because the progression of individualism has made it more difficult for couples to... Read more
Who we choose to marry is one of the most important and costliest decisions a person will make, yet it’s not uncommon for lovers to make errors in judgment. Why does this happen? One reason is that most of us aren’t raised with a healthy template of marriage to follow. We also lack self-awareness and may be afraid of ending up alone. Another factor is unrealistic expectations of marriage because we grew up in the first generation for whom divorce... Read more
Chemistry is such a powerful force that many couples confuse it with compatibility. While chemistry can be a glue that binds couples together early on in a relationship, it can fade over time if partners don’t share core values and maintain mutual respect. That said, it’s possible to have both chemistry and compatibility with someone. Chemistry can be defined as both a physical and mental attraction to someone and it causes you to feel passionate and alive. You look forward... Read more
Over the last two decades since my divorce, I’ve come to the conclusion that my first marriage didn’t fail – it simply ended due to incompatibility and our difficulties resolving ongoing conflicts. Throughout my journey from an unhappy first marriage to a healthier second marriage, I’ve examined my first marriage from every angle – dissecting every reason why it didn’t work. I also took my time to decide the kind of second marriage that would work for me and made a... Read more
What are some of the aspects of being a stepfather that make it a rewarding experience? In an effort to find out more, I conducted in-depth interviews of two stepfathers about their take on taking on this role and will share a several of their insights with you. In my effort to celebrate stepfathers this Father’s Day, I will highlight two stepfathers, Leonard and Harold. They are devoted to their wives and stepchildren in spite of many struggles through the... Read more
When a marriage ends because our partner leaves or betrays us, it’s natural to experience feelings of rejection. When we are left, it can be a devastating experience and it can leave us feeling angry, sad, and self-critical – at times ruminating about what went wrong. We may be in shock and feel shaken to the core of our being. Self-defeating thoughts can grab hold because we are vulnerable and trying to make sense of things. However, it’s important to... Read more
Studies show that conflict is what creates the most pain and anguish for children after parents’ split, and that keeping parental disagreements to a minimum is a key aspect of helping kids become resilient. Over the last few decades, research by child development experts has demonstrated numerous benefits to children when their living arrangements enable support from both parents. One reason is that parents who co-parent tend to experience lower conflict than those who have sole custody arrangements. However, very... Read more
Approximately 1 in 5 Americans suffer from some form of anxiety disorder. Statistically, women are more likely to suffer from anxiety than men. The internet is full of advice and articles for how to cope with anxiety, but not as much is written about how to aid the partners of anxious people. Being in a relationship with someone who suffers from an anxiety disorder can be exhausting. If you are the partner of an anxious person, you know that reassuring... Read more
As a marriage counselor, I’ve witnessed firsthand the benefits of my clients learning to manage conflict, developing new skills for enhancing their relationship, and restoring broken trust. This is what can happen with the support of a skilled therapist. However, not all couples have a positive outcome when they seek marriage counseling. Some couples seek help for their marriage problems too late, and others are not willing to put much effort in to improving communication between sessions. For instance, Jen,... Read more
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