January 15, 2019

Different from a biological parent, a major thrust of being a stepparent is to be a friend to your stepchildren on some level. Not like a school friend, but an adult friend more akin to being a guidance counselor or mentor who is also a parental figure.   Most of the stepparents who contact me for support tell me they had no idea what they were getting into. One stepdad, Steve, put it this way, “I was never a father… Read more

January 10, 2019

Since divorce runs in my family, I’ve always searched for ways to break the cycle. Many researchers such a Paul Amato have documented that there are generational aspects to divorce and that if you are a child of divorce it doubles your risk of repeating this pattern. However, adult children of divorce (ACOD’S) are not doomed to repeat the past and can take measures to reduce their risk such as selecting a partner to marry who compliments them and getting… Read more

January 7, 2019

There is recent evidence that happy, lasting relationships rely on a lot more than a marriage certificate and that the secret ingredient is friendship. Look for qualities you admire in your partner and remind yourself of these admirable qualities regularly. When it comes to matters of the heart, where admiration and respect are found, love will be sustained. But where these things are absent, love will die.  Finding a partner who likes and respects you as much as you do… Read more

January 3, 2019

There are a lot of feelings and emotions that come with divorce – anger, betrayal, despair, guilt, rejection, uselessness, fear, elation – and they all go with the territory. You may feel confused as you establish your new identity and move on to develop new relationships. It’s normal to desire new intimate partners and to experiment with dating – but be prepared to feel mistrustful and insecure at times. The experience of going through a divorce can change your perceptions;… Read more

January 1, 2019

When you become a parent, the demands of juggling time with your kids, work, and spending quality time with your partner can be a challenge. In addition, most parents of young children are sleep deprived, so it’s natural for intimacy and romance to decline. While it’s expected that both sexual and emotional intimacy will die down after kids arrive on the scene, if you make your relationship a priority, it doesn’t have to take a huge dip. Here are 5 ways to… Read more

December 28, 2018

Mistrust can come in many forms, from suspecting your partner of infidelity, to fearing that he or she will abandon you emotionally or physically. Some people who have trust issues become “relationship junkies” looking for partners to be the salve for their wounds. Others freeze out the option of finding love, for fear of being hurt. Even if you find yourself in a reasonably healthy relationship, you may still be unable to trust your partner. Sometimes, he or is simply… Read more

December 24, 2018

Dear Terry, My husband recently moved out and left me for another woman. This person is someone he worked with that I thought I could trust and it left me feeling betrayed and devastated. I’m not taking good care of myself lately, stopped going to the gym, and I’m not eating regular meals. It feels like I’m just trying to survive the breakup. I have two children, ages 8 and 10 and my husband didn’t even say goodbye to his… Read more

December 19, 2018

Expect plenty of storms in remarried life. The complications of a newly created stepfamily or blended family can be daunting and it can take years for the family “norms” to take hold. Conflict and rivalries between family members – especially stepparents and stepchildren – can make day to day life stressful and chaotic at times. Most experts agree that it can take a remarried family up to four years to reach a state of equilibrium. For instance, Justin and Maggie… Read more

December 17, 2018

Since I am an adult child of divorce who divorced with two children, I’ve always wondered about the rights of children of divorce. As a result, I interviewed hundreds of adults raised in a divorced homes to learn more about their perspective on this topic. In fact,  my research on children of divorce spans a few decades I’ve been impressed with the wisdom of respondents who are struggling to understand the impact of divorce on their lives and choices so… Read more

December 11, 2018

I recently read a study by the American Sociological Association that discovered that women initiate two thirds of all divorces, an astounding 69% to be exact. This fact caused me to ask the following questions: What can women do to prevent divorce? And how can we break the negative pattern of relating that can lead to the demise of our marriages? First of all, it’s important to become conscious of your expectations. Dr. Brené Brown writes, “The fastest way for an expectation… Read more

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