How can couples avoid the pitfalls that prevent the success of a second marriage? The key ingredients to a successful remarriage are selecting a partner who is a good match for you and both partners willingness to work through the inevitable hard times of marriage. With courage and persistence, you can defy the statistics that say your second marriage is doomed to fail and enjoy long-lasting love. It’s normal to feel disillusioned about marriage if you’ve endured a divorce and... Read more
Dear Terry, I have difficulty asking my husband Tom for what I need because I fear that if I’m too needy, he’ll get tired of my demands and leave me. You see, I have abandonment issues because my dad left my family when I was seven and I only saw him a few times after that. Then my first husband, Greg, was very unavailable and it caused me to be very anxious and worried about being left. Some of the... Read more
Unfortunately, many of us marry without obtaining critical information about our partners. For instance, we may not know that our father-in-law is a substance abuser or that our mother-in-law has a family history of mental illness. Sadly, we may put our faith in someone who we fall in love with blindly and fail to ask some of these crucial questions. 5 questions to ask potential marital partners: 1. Who are their parents? Include questions about marital history, mental illness and... Read more
The breakup of a family often changes the dynamic of the father-daughter relationship and it can be a challenge to stay connected if the parenting plan does not allow for frequent contact. Research shows that fathers play an important role in the lives of their daughters but that this relationship is the one that changes the most after divorce. In Always Dad, author Paul Mandelstein, advises divorced dads to find ways to play an important role in their daughter’s life.... Read more
Research shows that your own marriage and intimate relationships can be impacted by memories of your parents’ examples of what it means to be a spouse or partner. For instance, I was raised in a divorced family and learned early on that when people have trouble resolving conflicts, it can lead to the demise of a relationship. Growing up, I watched both of my mother’s marriages fail and she gave up on love after her second divorce. On the other hand, my... Read more
When a relationship ends because your partner leaves or betrays you, it’s normal to experience feelings of rejection. When you are left, it can be a devastating experience and it can leave you feeling angry, sad, and self-critical. You’re probably second guessing yourself and asking “What could I have done differently?” Further, you might be in shock and feel shaken to the core of our being. Self-defeating thoughts can grab hold because we are vulnerable and trying to make sense... Read more
It’s common for married couples to complain of leading busy lives and not feeling energized enough to have sex at the end of a long day. The causes of stress for couples include increasing workloads, financial pressures, lack of trust and insecurity, and growing conflicts within their relationship. Most of the couples I’ve counseled also described how extreme fatigue negatively impacted both the frequency and quality of their sex lives. In fact, in Come As You Are, sex researcher Emily... Read more
When Mark and Kayla first came to my office for couples counseling, they were both skeptical that they would be able to work things out. Both in their late 30’s, with two young children, they argued frequently and often issued ultimatums and felt they were on the brink of divorce. Kayla identified having trust issues that led to arguments over safety and security. This was especially the case when they were out socially when Kayla felt more insecure because Mark... Read more
In order to better understand infidelity and to find out if a marriage can be saved after adultery takes place, I decided to look to the experts. What I learned may surprise you. The truth is that while infidelity can be devastating to a marriage, some specialists believe that it is important to try to resolve the crisis and rebuild trust if possible. According to therapists Rona B. Subotnik, L.M.F.T and Gloria Harris, Ph.D., getting to the root of infidelity... Read more
Many people stubbornly hold onto the belief that they have nothing to apologize for – especially if their hurtful behavior or words were not intentional. Meanwhile, his or her partner may be suffering and an unwillingness to apologize can prevent healing and reconciliation from taking place. In Why Won’t You Apologize, relationship expert Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. explains that “I’m sorry” are the two most powerful words in the English language. She suggests that the courage to apologize is at the heart... Read more
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