Predictions for 2006

BUMPED TO TOP
Last year, I let Buster make the year-end predictions, and since precious few of his predictions came true, I’m going to try it on my own, this time, just for fun.

1) After a few off-years, due to A-Rod’s disingenuity (I still say he broke the curse when he slapped a ball out of the first baseman’s glove and then tried to lie about it – Fie on A-Rod!) The NY Yankees will reclaim their rightful spot as World Champions.

2) Directly after the ’06 elections, the press will be forced to acknowledge that Iraq’s situation is positive, and that America has done something heroic there. They will acknowledge this because Hillary will need to be able to crow that she – alone among the Dems running for president in ’08 – “had the wisdom to support staying the course,” in Iraq, and is strong on defense.

3) President Bush will not be impeached over the FISE/NSA matter; his poll numbers will continue to rise as Americans – no longer distracted with Fitzmas – follow the story and realize that the NY Times and much of the Fourth Estate have become a Fifth Column.

4) The WaPo will pull back from that story. The NY Times, mad with hate, will run over a cliff with it. The L.A. Times will save itself.

5) Some people will look at New Orleans, Detroit, Philadelphia and other cities wherein liberalism has become entrenched, and they will discover that the Great Society has done little good for poor urban communities, in all these decades. They will begin to suggest that the Democrat party has for too long held too much power within those communities while giving them nothing but lip service and paranoid suggestions. As some black Democrats become Republicans, Wolf Blitzer will wonder how they can leave the party in good conscience, when they are “so poor and so black.” Morgan Freeman, having finally had enough, will smack him silly.

6) Maureen Dowd will pull out of her 5 year depression, take the bottle of ciprol out from between her knees, have surgery to unlock her jaw, enabling her to actually open her mouth when she speaks, and start dating a conservative man, on a dare. Stuck on wrong, and horrified to find herself actually falling in love with him, Maureen will dump him and announce that she has stopped looking for a man to love. Her politics, her principles and her public will keep her warm at night, approximating something like love, to her. She will, however, write a really excellent book profiling her mother, Mary McGrory and Katharine Graham. She will not invite me to edit it, nor will she thank me for the idea. But that’s okay.

7) CBS will ignore my excellent suggestion and hire Katie Couric to read the CBS Evening News. Surprised by her high negatives and low ratings (after the initial curiosity bump) they will trail NBC news, but not ABC. Stagnation and mediocrity will follow. The expensive kind.

8) The Academy Awards, having been no fun for a few years, will utterly tank in the ratings, but Hillary Swank will wear something fabulous that only she could pull off. Russell Crowe will not win an Oscar for Cinderella Man, even though he was pretty dang phenomenal in the role of James J. Braddock.

9) Somebody’s gotta get serious with Iran. W will do it. Ungrateful Europe and leftists will curse him for it, while wiping their brows in relief before driving to their next Bush-bashing engagement.

10) Paris will burn, coverage will be scant.

11) Howard Dean will not be DNC chair by the end of the year. He will be replaced by affable eye candy of some sort, capable of bumper-sticker-speak. John Kerry will make all sorts of noises about running again for the WH, but at the last possible moment, he will declare himself uninterested due to his deep committment to the people of Massachusetts. A quick search through his Beacon Hill garbage will reveal a bloody horse’s head.

12) Rick Santorum will lose his bid for re-election. He will enter a seminary program for the permanent diaconate in the Catholic Church, and write books.

13) Rudy Giuliani and Jeb Bush will both say they’re not running for president in ’08. One of them will be telling the truth.

14) John McCain will continue to straddle midde groud wherever he can, and the press will continue to let him think he could be president. They will encourage him to run as a third party candidate. McCain will change his middle name to Perot.

15) The Democrats will not pick up any new senate seats in ’06, but Olympia Snow and a few other GOP Senators will jump the aisle, giving the majority to the Democrats, who will declare filibusters “unpatriotic, obstructive and unserious.”

16) Bill Clinton’s health will again be in the news. Chelsea will become engaged. There will be talk of a “White House Wedding.” All of this will serve to “humanize” Hillary who will, at some point, cry in public. Sort of. It’s going to be a ghastly sight.

17) Eliot Spitzer will (ugh) be the next Governor of the State of New York. George Pataki will become the guy to call when David Gergen can’t make a booking.

18) Cindy Sheehan will not go quietly away. Even if the press tries to make her.

19) Pajamas Media will find its way, slowly but surely, as the whole media terrain shifts and shudders with transitions. It will take time.

20) Oprah Winfrey will begin talking about running for political office. Seriously.

21) At the end of ’06, the big hole at Ground Zero will still be a big hole – a testament to the serious void in real leadership which both encouraged Al Qaeda and dogs our nation, still.

UPDATE: National Review Online has a symposium of predictions (H/T Betsy.) Pretty funny and interesting stuff. As I come across more year-end predictions, I will post them here.

More:
All Things Beautiful
Closed Cafeteria predicts mostly Catholic things.
Lorie’s commenters at Polipundit are making some interesting predictions, too.
Gina Cobb has a suggestion for your predictions.
Mark at Decision ’08 makes the Worst. Predictions. Ever. :-)
Attack Machine goes bold. And funny.
Jimmie Bise talks sports, politics, more sports. Football, bah.
Jack Kelly goes out on a limb – but not really, and posts some interesting predictions by Jack Wheeler.
Bernard at A Certain Slant of Light has predictions, one more outrageous than the next, culminating with something about Norah O’ Donnell and a Bistro…I’m not sayin’ nuthin’.
Sigmund Carl and Alfred keep it short, sweet and pithily delicious.
MyDD like Polipundit, has opened predictions to commenters.
Thoughts of a Regular Guy are thoughtful.
The Glittering Eye says he doesn’t know much about Pop Culture but gives it a good try.
Ann Althouse has a prediction on the Supreme Court.