Modest proposals & the Coulter fans

Okay, I’m going to say it. I am a Catholic, and my vision of a perfect America would be that everyone was Catholic. I wish all Americans were Catholic. I wish all of our separated brethren, the Methodists, the Baptists, the Episcopalians, the Fundamentalists, the Evangelicals, the Presbyterians, the Lutherans – all of ’em – were Catholic, because they’d be “complete” Christians – they would have the fullness of Christ and unity within the Church as Christ founded it, one, holy, catholic, apostolic and Eucharistic. Of course I want all the Protestants to be Catholic! After all, all they have now is the Bible – with missing books – and fellowship and potlucks! They just run around saying they’re “saved” but they don’t have the whole, complete experience of Christ!

They don’t have the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Jesus Christ, in the flesh, in the Eucharist, coursing through their veins, and because I love my Protestant friends so much, I want them to have that – I want that for them, because I am a Catholic, and that means I am a “complete” Christian. We have it all, baby! Sacraments! Communion of Saints! Liturgy! Tradition! We’ve got John Chapter 6 and 1 Corinthians 11:26-29 and 2 Thes 2:15! Yaaaay!

Just think, if all Americans were Catholic, Communion – for everyone! – would be everyday instead of once in a while, and it would real, consecrated hosts – “this is my body!” Yaaaaay!

If all Americans were Catholic that means that all the government would be Catholic! Yaaaaay! Everyone would be pro-life! There would be Nativity creche’s and Ten Commandments in all the government buildings! The president would be a Catholic! We’d have Mass at the White House! And Bingo! Insurance companies would not have to cover birth control pills! And Jack Chick would no longer be publishing hate screeds because he’d be a Catholic too! Yaaaaay! The government would fix immigration policies so all our fellow Catholics down in Mexico can come on in and feel welcome and worship with us! Yaaaay! Then we’d go get those Canadians back into church too! And then England! We’d take back Westminster Abbey! Yaaaaay!

I mean, the Protestants – they’re okay now…as long as they’re you know, believing and stuff. But if all the Protestants would just come back to the Roman Catholic church from which they separated themselves, they would be really, really full Christians! America would be perfect!

Regular readers know (or darn well should know) that all of the above was written with tongue firmly planted in cheek. While I am sure there will be some Catholic bloggers who will come after me for saying it, (and who will insist that as a Catholic it is my duty to hope that all Christians take their rightful place beside us at Mass) I am not looking for Protestants to become Catholic. If they they want to, that’s very nice, and I’m happy to welcome them, but honestly, I don’t look for it. I think everyone finds their own way to God, and worships in the manner they best understand, are more opened to, etc. And that’s fine by me because I don’t have a need to decide who goes to heaven and who doesn’t, or who’s got the better way to get there. I have my way; I like it – if you have your’s, God bless you. I am ever a “live and let live” kind of girl.

But I must ask those readers who have been bombing me with “you-just-don’t-understand how-great Ann-Coulter-is” for the past few weeks – how did you like reading that satirical modest proposal? How did you feel when you read it? Pretty angry? Did you think I was an intolerant idiot expressing an idea in a hurtful and insensitive manner? Did you think that I did a poor, clumsy job of it, even though I meant no insult?

I understood, immediately, what Ann Coulter was trying to say about Jews becoming completed (a much better word, than “perfected” by the way) through acceptance of Christ as the Messiah. In fact, I once worked with a Messianic Jew who explained it beautifully, (slightly paraphrased after 30 years)

“I am the flesh of Abraham, greater than the stars, but no longer looking heavenward; my blood is the blood of Moses, but no longer wandering, for my gaze is fulfilled and my journey is completed in knowing Yeshua.”

This will be my last word on Coulter, so please don’t send me any more of your apologetics. Please stop trying to explain or excuse her to me. As Auntie Lillie would say, “save yer breath for yer porridge” and your energy for a worthier opponent than I! For goodness sake, I am a small blog with no influence (and getting smaller every day) and I’m quite sure Coulter couldn’t care less what I think of her performance art. I think that’s what one of you told me, that she is a “performance artist.”

Well, whatever, but her claim that “you have to obey…we have the fast-track” also has problems, implying as it does that Christians don’t have to obey because they’re already so damned perfect.

Whether she’s a performance artist or a “brilliant constitutional lawyer” as others of you claim, let Coulter stick to politics, which is already full of schtick, and leave the religious questions for the theologians. (Or for the pub, like the rest of us Catholics!) ;-)

:::rolling eyes::: Oh, lighten up, I’m just teasing!