Anchoress2016: A Write-in Campaign to Make America Sane Again

Anchoress2016: A Write-in Campaign to Make America Sane Again July 22, 2016

You all know me, so I don’t have to introduce myself or bore you with interviews and commercials.

My platform: Everybody shut up

My foreign policy: “You crazy nations, shut up and act right, you want to give me a heart attack?”

My first action as president: Declare a week of silent retreat, reading and cookouts

My first policy move: Every government, foreign, domestic and local, will build (or help neighbors build) as many as these as needed, because water.

My immigration policy has been spelled out for years: create real comprehensive immigration reform via “Ellis-Islands-West-East-and-North”, grandfather-in peaceful longtime residents and everyone has to read Edward Mulholland’s series of dispatches from Lesbos, most especially this one, because shopkeepers and archeologists are make good neighbors.

As your president, I will have a Reagan/O’Neil Booze Summit, during which we must all sit in comfy chairs and drink and negotiate.

My campaign music: Jackson 5’s “The Love You Save,” and Johnny Cash’s “God’s Gonna Cut You Down.”

S is for “Save it”
T is for “Take it slow”
O is for “Oh, no!”
P is for “Please, please, don’t go!
The love you save may be your own
Someday you may be all alone
So stop it — cuz you can run on for a long time
but sooner or later God’ll cut you down

My understanding is that as many as 5 people will be supporting my candidacy as a write-in. I urge you to join us. Anchoress2016. Yay.


Browse Our Archives