Bottoms Up with Horse Semen

It is a very good thing that God is both Just and Merciful.

Because if God were only Just, he might have decided by now that free will, and leaving humanity to its own devices, was a bad call.

And this incredibly stupid story might have been the impetus that finally brought down the Almighty Hammer:

Teste Tincture of the Day: Wellington, New Zealand’s Green Man Pub recently introduced a rather night-marish sounding cocktail that’s equestionable at best: Apple-infused horse semen.

The “active ingredient” arrives fresh from a Christchurch stallion farm, and is served chilled in a shot glass for NZ$25 (US$20) a pop.

According to pub co-owner Steve Drummond, women were the drink’s chief clientele. “”Ladies thought it was great,” he told The Dominion Post. “A couple were going to go home and get their husbands to eat grass.”

I’m sorry, but this is not just gross — it’s sinful. It is disrespectful to creation and disrespectful to our own humanity. It sins against the dignity of both.

This is a half-step away from bestiality.

It is also a public declaration that some human beings are so full of self-loathing that they cannot demean themselves fast enough, and they demean creation, too. They are so conceited, so convinced that anything they really want to do must be right, because they really want to do it, that only something really bad — something really difficult — is going to smack them back into reality.

And perhaps humility. We badly need some humility.

There is an ugly thing people do with increasing frequency. I see them do it whenever a camera is thrust into their faces. They raise their fists and make an obnoxious and ignorant “wooooooo!” I saw a woman do it during the Vancouver riots after the Stanley Cup thing. In the midst of a mob, susceptible to mob-mentality, she kicked the window of a business and then raised her fist in victory, “wooooo!” As in, “wooooo, look at me! I kicked the glass! I’m a rebel! I belong!”

You just know that when these idiot women slapped down their bills and shot back their “teste tincture,” they punched the air and went, “wooooooo! I did horse semen!”

And it was worth twenty bucks? Our prosperity does not make us evil. But it appears it does make us mindless and selfish and stupid.

I think in reparation for this asinine story, I will send a matching donation to our gals in New Jersey, who pray for us — and for the whole world — every day, and who have serious financial needs that their soaps just can’t cover.

They can put twenty bucks to much better use than these insipid barhoppers.