Tennesseans Iz Lernin

I grew up in Miami, but I spent my junior and senior years of high school in Houston, Texas.  My experiences in Jewish suburbia did not prepare me for the wacky Christianity that I would see there.  One day in my social studies class we had a guest speaker who came to “testify” about Christ.  The year after I graduated, students dedicated the yearbook to Jesus Christ.  The place was just nuts.

Like Texas, Tennessee lags behind no one in its love of faith-based everything and there is a proposed law to prove it:

The legislation would require school districts to implement a policy to create a “limited public forum” before campus events such as the beginning of a school day or before a football game. Select students would be eligible to speak freely at these forums, including about religion, and the school district would issue a disclaimer before those speeches.

…Under the bill, school districts also would require teachers to treat a student’s faith-based answers to school assignments the same as secular answers. But while the bill allows faith-based answers, those responses must be justified like any other student’s.

The first part of the proposal is a blatant end-run around the prohibition on public prayers.  But it’s the second part that intrigues me.  I’m trying to imagine how this could go in various subjects:

Question:  What is 2 + 1?

Answer:  5, because 1 = 3.  Justification:  Matthew 28:19 shows in its teaching of the trinity that one and three are the same.

Question:  What are the basic parts of the human circulatory system?

Answer:  All parts of the circulatory system are made of mud.  Justification: Genesis 2:6-7, “And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground.”

Question:  What were some of the reasons for the Holocaust?

Answer:  The Jews killed Jesus.  Justification: I Thessalonians 2:14-15 and Matthew 26:57-68.

Question:  What is the process by which plants convert sunlight into energy?

Answer:  Plants don’t need sunlight for anything.  Justification:  Plants were created by the Lord on the third day and there was no sun until the fourth day as it teaches us in Genesis 1:11-19.

Really, the possibilities are endless and they’ll all get straight A’s!